So many times it happens that the husband or wife in a long-standing relationship dies, and very soon thereafter the other spouse also dies. I have a theory about this: I think that when the person who is the single greatest and primary channel of the love of God in our lives moves, so must we. We see that that for which this person was a channel now embraces him /her, and we too, our channel gone, wish to be embraced.
At other times I have written to you about my wife being the most potent earthly channel in seeking You. We may have plenty of friends, relatives, and colleagues through whom to seek You as well, but if we cannot find You through the one person we love most, how effective can our search be through people less close?
If my wife was no longer in my life, the greatest source of possibilities to establish and nourish a relationship with You would be critically damaged. In a very real sense my love for her parallels my love for You. Beyond my own parents, my teachers, my children and grandchildren, and my friends, my wife has taught me more than any other person in my life about loving God.
The growth of an intimate love with our spouse is a barometer of our growth in love itself. As we grow in love and in our understanding of it, we grow in love with love – with You. It may seem as if I’m saying that if this “pipeline” is cut off, so is love. But that would be a misunderstanding. Rather, the loss of such a channel leaves us with an even greater longing, and, of course, a quest for other channels. The Spirit of God is what moves us through channels of its choosing. The Spirit’s primary channel is other people. To recognize the Spirit of God (the spirit of love) in others and to grow with it takes a lifetime; and the most enduring relationships of love we have with others are with those closest to us - particularly our spouses. Therefore, I believe You choose him/her as the special and primary channel of Your grace to us.