Recently, I made a request to God, different from what I would normally be presenting to Him. Three months ago I prayed that God would completely break me and build me back up the way He wants me. Don't ask me where that came from, all I know is that's what my heart was feeling.
Don't get me wrong, I prayed for it but, I had no idea what I was asking for. I PRAISE God that he's answering. I'm being taken through storms that are the kind He doesn't lead me around but carries me through.
I'm beiing humbled. Which is an extreme process. I'm being shown how prideful I acrually am. I was blind to these areas of myself. I, like most people I know, didn't want to see myself as a prideful person but the opposite. I've found that I've picked up alot of my pride from those that taught me when I was a child. I was taught to be an extremely iindependant person. Quite the opposite, I'm learning, of what God wants out of my part of the relationship. I'm SLOWLY learning evereryday to Depend on my God. Lately, I'm starting to depend on Him for even the smallest things. Which is wholely freeing.
I'm being freed from my shameful past. Not at all easy, No one, I dare say, wants to face their deep dark secrets. No one wants to profess to these things, I'm learning that the only way I can let God set me free the way He wants to is to face those "demons". He is freeing me in so many ways concerning my present as well. From worrying, stressing, depression. I start to feel Him walking beside me more everyday. He's allowing me to react to everyday life differently, down to the smallest things. I find myself worrying less everyday about what my future hold. I'm learning that whatever comes along, He's got my back and will provide what I need when things arise. I'm learning that, even though I have things I yern to come into my life, that I am more able to trust that when He decideds to provide them that's when I want them. I trust that my life will be completely content and amazingly beautiful as long as I wait for Him. (This coming from, more than likely, the most impatient person He ever created.)
I'm learning what true FAITH is. And I'm particularly greatful for that. I find the stronger my faith grows the more peace He pours out on me.