I admit to being slow to pick up on some things. There are a lot of things about a spiritual life that sink in very slowly for me as time goes by. Maybe that’s just the particular way You choose to touch me.
The light-bulb went “on” the other day about the relationship between love and trust. I think all along I have regarded them pretty much as two separate entities, but I have come to see that there can be no love (certainly no unconditional love) without trust.
Now, I’m not a very trusting person – except in myself. It’s the realization of this that stamps the quality of my love. The fact that I am an habitual worrier about those closest to me seems to bear out the truth that I have a hard time just letting-be, letting-go, and trusting. Hence, my love is tainted. If I fully trusted those I love I would not worry so much about them and about their life-styles, and their spirituality. If, in my own mind, I could just let go and trust their choices my love would be so much better. But I look not only at those I want to see pursuing You but also at the way I myself seek You and I worry. I worry about my standings in my own seeking and I worry about my standings in the lives of those I love most and in the ways they seek You. Such worry translates into a lack of trust towards them, and towards You. But it is so hard for me not to worry.
Maybe “worry” is one thing – a thing related to “trust," and “concern” is another – not necessarily related to “trust."I am concerned for them and for me. Would I stop praying for them to show my trust and, hence, my love? I don’t think so. My prayers do not betray my trust but rather show my concern. If I was more trusting would I be less concerned? Your own life showed Your concern for others and it did not betray the trusting way You put Yourself in the hands of men. Trust, at some point, becomes the abandonment of our own wills for the will of another. In that trust there is love.