Welcome to the first entry of my Finding Faith Journey. Follow this blog if you would like to keep up with my journey through life, finding my faith, and the process of making my documentary currently titled "Finding Faith." Lets go to work.
I have struggled with my faith ever since I was a child. I attended over 10 funerals from the time I was six years old until I was fourteen. When I was nine years old my older brother Terry was killed in a car accident. He was only eighteen years old. He would have been nineteen the next day. It was tough to understand what exactly was going on but because of the previous funerals I had a pretty good grasp for death at a very young age.
Today, I live a pretty good life. Most people have things to complain about but for me, I have a loving wife, a great family, great friends, a great puppy and I am chasing my dream as a filmmaker. The one thing that I can say that has never been great in my life is my faith in God. It is no secret to anyone that knows me that I talk about death a lot, mostly in joking, about how I want to be buried or how I want a springboard built in to my casket so that my body sits up when people approach me. Drives my wife crazy.
The one thought that really keeps me up at night is the constant wondering about what is after this. What is after this life that we live? What does it all mean? Where are we going? Why? My questioning of God and Heaven has gnawed at my insides since I was just a young boy and to this day it is that thought that keeps me awake at night with my stomach turning and twisting in knots.
It started as a New Years resolution attend church more frequently, which shouldn’t be too hard since I currently attend almost never. I told my wife that I wanted to start attending church now so that when we have kids I can help them understand their own faith without having to lie to them about my faith.
It started as a joke to be honest. And to be truthful, as ridiculous as it may sound, the idea was put in my head by the most unlikely of sources, Tim Tebow. Naturally as a huge football fan I was impressed with this young athlete’s ability to defy the odds and continue to compete at a professional level despite all of the criticisms of his style of play. I wondered how he did it. How do you have the strength to continue believing in yourself when everyone out there says you CAN’T do it? How do you have the faith? And that was just it. He had the FAITH.
The joke started when I told my other brother Wes that with Tebow pulling off these miraculous wins, it’s hard not to believe in God. I told him that Tim Tebow was inspiring me to pray and giving me a desire to go to church. It started as a joke, and little did I know that it would eventually become a reality.
Wes gave me Tim Tebow’s book for Christmas in 2011. I couldn’t wait to read it. To be honest, I didn’t even really know what it was about. I just knew that Tebow had written it and I had to read it. After reading about two chapters I came up with this idea. I read about this young kid who from a very young age has had a strong faith in God and Jesus. I read about how his faith gives him the strength when he doesn’t have it. I read, and read, and read.
That is when I decided to take a page out of the Tebow playbook. I decided that maybe it was time I started Tebowing and thanking God for everything that he has given me and continues to give me. Pretty hard to do when you don’t have a lot of faith in him.
From the start of the year 2012 I will be attending at least eight different churches to find the answers that I have long searched for. I was raised Lutheran but not really by choice. I was born into it. That’s not to say there is anything wrong with being Lutheran but I feel it would only be fair to search through other denominations and really find where I belong.
While attending these churches I will interview the Pastors and some of the congregation, really dig into the roots of their faith and ask the skeptical questions that I often ask myself with my crisis of faith. I will also discuss the origins of Christianity and how it has been modernized to fit todays followers. I also hope to contact a select group of celebrity Christians that would be willing to talk about their faith. Their input would be great for my journey but more importantly, it will add recognizable faces to my journey giving the audience another reason to watch. The first celebrity I am starting with is Tim Tebow. (First contact was made with Tim Tebow on February 15th and he is interested in the project) I then plan to reach out to Kristin Chenoweth, Carrie Underwood, Bethany Hamilton, Kirk Cameron, etc.
This film isn’t about my journey to find a miracle. It’s not about me finding some supernatural proof that God and Heaven exists. It is about me finding a faith inside myself that has been missing for far too long. You might wonder why I would want to bring a camera with me on this journey. Or you assume that I am just another self-indulgent filmmaker who is trying to get famous. While I can’t argue that I am an aspiring filmmaker. I truly believe that I am not the only one out there with these questions about his faith. In fact I guarantee that there are thousands, maybe even millions of people out there with the same thoughts, feelings, and doubts that I have. Maybe my journey can help them as much as I hope it helps me.
My journey is about finding the answers that I have been seeking for almost twenty years. Not a journey to find whether or not God exists. That is like searching for the Holy Grail. Rather to find that faith that is buried inside myself. I know it won’t be easy but it is in there.
The filmmaker and the writer inside me saw this as an opportunity to tell a story. My story. A film is supposed to entertain, inform, or inspire. I believe that my journey will manage to do all three.
The next few entries to this blog will basically be my notes and thoughts on each church I attend. I have already attended a few so some of the posts will be backdated.
Thanks for reading and if you have made it this far I ask that you continue on this journey with me and maybe we can find our faith together.
Please check out my regular blog page if you are interested in the journey.