I used to read this comic as a child. I wanted so very much to be like Rock. I played war in the woods, read my grandfathers Marine magazines and had all my GI Joe toys as well. It was a great fantasy. At 40, I just look at the bottle of pills and I laugh to myself, this is what it is like sometimes when we get what we wish for is it not?
I get hit with a lot of what if this or that these days. What if I never joined? What if I had died like my friends over there next to me. There is something to be said for looking thru a scope and seeing the unseen end result. There is almost sadness. For years I always thought and still do think that its the perfect way to go. My perfect exit: As am sitting here typing, a bullet comes whizzing thru my bedroom window, and rips a hole in me that will close the chapter on this book. No chilling cliffhanger ending....just a sweet hit. I would be hopeful that is someone would ever shoot me, that they would be a professional. Ever see the pictures of Bugsy Siegel after he was shot thru the window out in vegas....eye across the room,holes all over his head....those jokers were not trained. Let me get back to my main point. Rock in the picture above was my hero as a child. A tough soldier who led easy company all over the WWII arena. That was then....and this is now.
As you get older, it gets harder to have a hero. Sure, you may admire someone, become inspiredby someone or their actions, but a hero? I am not so sure. At 40....well, at 38 I needed a hero again. But who? and How?
Times get better and sometimes worse the older we get. Life happens and things get in the way. We end up complaining.
The system failed, the keys to the car are lost, you can’t seem to remember what your dreams ever were, you just know they ended a long time ago. You look for answers. The atheists and scientists throw the carbon dating at you, the timelines and the skpetics scream, and you start to feel like you did when no Santa became the reality. You study ancient history and realize so many religions were based on each other....it could all be a load of shit....you start to doubt...you need a hero....you called and God didn’t answer...but somebody did answer. You had a dream, in the dream a man spoke to you...he told you it isn’t all lies and there are miracles. I wanted to be a man of faith...I needed a hero but who?
When I was young, we left the Catholic Church ad became Lutheran. I was 6. Someone said Luther was a hero. As you all know from my posts, I am no longer Lutheran and am Roman Catholic and Opus Dei. On a side note, and I mean this from my heart...if anyone ever has questions about Opus Dei, please feel free to ask me or message me. I do not mean for recruitment, but for clarification. The Tom hanks movie painted a picture and there are many books and theorys about us. Sometimes people are curious but afraid to ask...the offer is open.
I still needed a hero. Luther was no hero. He wrote 95 things wrong with the Catholic Church, nailed them to the door and ran away. Re born Chirstians were not hero material. They don’t want judged on their past yet they bash my church based on its past...who could ride this road with me? I still needed a hero. It was not enough to pray on my knees daily, it was not enough anymore to have something I was so excited to do and right before doing it...stop myself and read the bible to give thanks…..it was not enough to feel the pain in this world....I needed a role model. A man who suffered great loss, someone I could relate to. But where could I find such a man? Other than Jesus, everyone seemed corrupt in any religion. If you want to be rich, you don’t ask a poor man how to do it…I needed someone of strong faith…someone from this world that nobody could take away from me by saying he didn’t exist as they tried and beat me down with when I spoke of Jesus. I found a man. A man who had a gun to his head and knife to his throat as others were killed and told to denounce Jesus or die like them...he refused. A man who was nailed to a wall like a cross (he survived) and still wouldn’t give up as his family members died around him...a man who watched other Priests getting killed in front of him as he was tied up and told that he will end like them if he does not step down, and he refused…...the real deal. Not a face on TV....not a voice on an audio book. A man who started an organization because the Vatican would not hear him....he became so huge in the church that the Vatican shakes with the thought of opus dei. I can walk into any Catholic Church and the feeling and emotion is known as a member of such an elite and punishing self-punishing group. We are accused of murders like silus the monk in the davinnci code...we are accused of cult hood. St José Maria Escriva never gave up and welcomed the suffering as a gift..as do I...I am still here because of him. As he was told..there be dragons JoseMaria...and there are...all around us. In the end I found my hero. A real life Hero: and I found one....St. JoseMaria Escriva the founder of Opus Dei.