I used to wonder why God made us such curious creatures? It made no sense to me! I found myself posing all of these questions and trying to figure everything out. But why, God? Why did you make me this way? I tried sticking to the straight forward, simple answers but my mind was constantly wandering. I doubted God so many times and it almost got to the point where I was close to losing my faith and completely denying my Creator. The thought of becoming an atheist scared me! I said to myself, there is no way to prove or disprove God, a straw man fallacy. I figured I’ll just believe because everyone else that I know believes. If anything, this “belief” alone would give me somewhat of a shot in getting into heaven. My “faith” had absolutely no foundation. I literally became Satan’s slave. He had me. He was being glorified in my life. I allowed him to take control of my weakness and go against the One who truly loved me. I wouldn’t consider it intentional but I felt as if I had no control over it. I let my mind control me. If I could make the decision to clear my mind of these thoughts I would do it in a blink of an eye! But I couldn’t! No matter how many times I prayed, the wandering continued! I cried out to God, but there was no response. I felt abandoned. I would always ask myself, if God is so faithful, why would He be so far away when I needed Him the most? I was so desperate for Him but He was nowhere to be found. This became a huge issue in my life. It got so bad that I literally had to cry myself to sleep at night! My mind wandered so I began to surf the web for “the case against God.” It made so much sense: Religion, “a tool to control the masses.” Was religion a tool for comfort and control? Do we believe in God simply because we are afraid of dying? Do these scientific theories automatically disprove my Creator? I pondered on these questions for a long time. Still, no answers.
“Only in a world where faith is difficult can faith exist”
Was this true?
Scripture defines God as a hidden God so we must make an effort of faith to find Him. God said, “seek and you shall find.” But I sought Him and I couldn’t find Him! What was I doing wrong?
“Sitting and Brooding over faith and doubt will never make a believer out of anybody. Ultimately you must embark on your experiment of faith by doing what faith would do. Jesus said that if we continue in His Word, that is, continue doing what Jesus says then we are truly His disciples. Being a disciple means you’re a “following learner.” And when you’re a following learner, you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. Knowing the truth doesn’t mean filling your head with knowledge; it’s experiential knowledge.”
Ta-da, that sounded like me. I thought truth came from EVERYTHING that I knew about the world.
I also had this idea where I felt like I had to be the “perfect” Christian. If I made a mistake I would beat myself up about it all of the time. My biggest issue was the fact that I doubted all of the time. I thought that I would upset God because of my doubts. I believed but I needed help with my unbelief.
“Some people think that faith means a lack of doubt, but that’s not true. One of my favorite Bible texts is about the man who comes to Jesus with his demon-possessed son, hoping that the boy would get healed. Jesus says that all things are possible to those who believe. And the man’s response is so powerful. He says, “I believe, but would you help me with my unbelief?”
How amazing is that?
It is said that “normal faith is allowed to beat on God’s chest and complain.” I never knew that! I thought I couldn’t question my faith! This issue drew me to the book of Psalms (Psalm 42 to be exact) where people are lamenting and screaming out to God! I never knew that I could do that! (Get into the Word! God will reveal to you so much that will grow your faith!)
The truth of the matter is that if your faith never encounters doubt or struggle you will never know how powerful it truly is!
“Those who believe they believe in God
but without passion in the heart,
without anguish of mind,
and even at times without despair,
believe only in the idea of God,
and not in God Himself.”
I had to start from the basics. I had to strengthen my foundation. I knew that everything would be alright! I used to limit God but now I can’t even fathom what He alone is capable of.
I thank God for fellowship and other believers who would do anything to help me strengthen my walk with God! A couple of people in my life right now are truly heaven sent! When you have people constantly praying, encouraging, and spending time in fellowship with you, it really boosts your confidence. Let it be known that it was by the power of Jesus Christ!
One thing that we as believers must remember is that there are so many questions without answers but His promises remain.
“He is not far from anyone of us”
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
What a great message! I too have been on the same road you traveled. I too was trying to picture a life without faith. it scared me too! That in itself was telling...
The truth is in that old saying: "The questions come in our time, the answers in His time." God will ALWAYS be with us, and He will ALWAYS answer our prayers. The answers may not be what we want, but they will be what is BEST for us! Some people just "don't get that!"
At times, even after 35 years of being a Christian, find times when I don't understand my Lord's direction in my life. But on thing I have learned...we work and pray about things, and then we need to leave things in God's hands. He will never forsake us, He will never leave us!
It is common among believers to have a "mix" of certainty and uncertainty. You reference to the father who said, "I believe, help thou my unbelief" is a perfect example of that fact. We are not perfect, we will never be until we rest with our Father in heaven!
So, let's "get up off ourselves!" Do our best each day and know that this is all God asks of us. The shortfalls are forgiven and forgotten! What great peace we find in that...