I am good at holding back from You. It’s a practiced art I have cultivated more attentively than the art of letting go. I hold back in the time I give to You directly or through others. The reason I hold back is because with everything I do I reserve at least a little (if not a lot) for myself. If it is not for my profit or advantage to do a certain thing, or say certain words, or act a certain way, then I ignore it. I know that loving You and seeking You is what I say I want to do, but the moment such seeking interferes with my agendas I hold back. I ignore You. It’s a very easy thing to do, but I get exasperated with myself. I guess that’s good; but even better than exasperation is doing something about it. It’s all tied up with the ability to see clearly the “giving” essence of love as opposed to the “getting” essence of our humanity.
To hold back gets something for us. To let go pays no attention to getting but rather gives up – surrenders. Practicing holding back from others makes it easy to hold back from You. Doing just enough to get by for someone in order to keep them off our backs is not unusual. We’re great at refining the art of doing the minimum. How often do we do more than we’re asked?
The example of Your life shows us how love means more than just doing what is asked. Within the spark of love generated by letting go and letting God is an area of letting go for others. Learning this and not holding back gets us to the “letting God” part.