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Who Gives Kudos:
StevenPaul1953 (1)



 

   [13 Jan 2012 | Friday]

Trampled Pearls

 

I now know what the verse means “"Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” (Matthew 7:6) or at least what it means to me
It took me awhile to figure out when God Was Talking to me. It hasn’t been as obvious as a burning bush or opening up the Heavens, but I do become spiritually seasick when He Disapproves, with an uneasy feeling in my stomach as “unsettled as a wave of the sea.” James 1:6
So, when I received my first marriage proposal after only a few weeks of dating 10 years ago, I wasn’t elated, I was well, seasick. It took 1 year of dating and finally living together before I finally accepted. But I still never recovered from the seasickness. Deep down, I just didn’t feel as if I was making the right decision. However, I felt as if getting married had to better than shacking up, right?
Wrong. I should have walked away.
Between my husband’s chronic unemployment and our constant moving to chase jobs, I was miserable. Eventually, I made him miserable, too. With the constant arguments, his infidelities, financial stress, job and residential changes, there was never any peace in our marriage. Sometimes, I would come home from work only to learn that he was fired that day, and arrive home the following week to learn that we were moving by the next. It was almost as if he thrived in chaos.
I kept telling him we needed to settle down, and after the baby was born, I began insisting we needed to settle down – all to no avail. Eventually, I was beginning to realize I could no longer deal with the confusion and could no longer raise our child in the midst of it either.
We averaged 6 states in 6 years, and finding homes – residential and spiritual – had become something I had grown weary of. During the last year of my marriage, I was now homesick and “seasick” and after deciding that I was moving back to my hometown, I decided to embark once again on finding a lasting church home. While in church and Bible study, I came across the verse, “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace.” 1 Corinthians 14:33.
I realized throughout all of the confusion, God had never ordained our marriage, and I no longer had one, so I walked away.
I am still devastated that I have taken the sacred vow of marriage and given it to a “dog.” After the ordeal, I was left with a trampled self-esteem and near financial ruin as supporting him tore my credit to pieces.
However, God Punishes those He Loves (Hebrews 12:6), and boy, have I learned a lesson!

But as my daughter turns 5 today, I realize, everything does work for good for those who love the Lord (Romans 8:28).
Mood:
12:37 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add comment 

  Comments
StevenPaul1953 | Sun Jan 29, 2012, 17:01

this user is offline now

Thanks for sharing such a painful experience, Yalinda! I've had a couple of bouts with unstable marriages; the first  my wife just left me after 12 years, the second I had to get out of after 7 years. My third, (and last I dare say), is going pretty well after about 5 years now...

The verse you quoted about giving "pearls to pigs" was, in context, a command from Jesus to the disciples not to bother trying over and over to teach the gospel to people who didn't want to hear it. But I can see how you could get the marriage application from it.

I hope you and your daughter are now better off!

StevenPaul 


 
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