Letters to Jesus (Contrary Spiritual Notions) - 23
Throughout my life I have been hypnotically transfixed by the sight of large numbers of people gathered together. At a baseball or football game with 40-60 thousand other individuals I gaze, awestruck, at the mass of humanity. On television I’ve seen broadcasts of hundreds of thousands of people gathered in St. Peter’s Square to hear the Pope, or in Bejing for a political demonstration. I am riveted. I used to face three to four thousand people three nights a week at Sea World and I would stare into the crowd amazed. Basically I think there are two reasons for this: 1) I just can’t believe amongst all those people I never saw anybody I knew, and 2) I’m fascinated by the fact that I’m just like everyone else out there – ordinary people – and You love each and every one of us so much. It’s mind-boggling! At the beach I put my hands together and form a big scoop to lift up all the sand I can hold and let it trickle through my fingers. I see the size of one grain and imagine it to be a single person and that my whole scoop of “persons” is only a fraction of all the humans that have been born on this earth; and I wonder how You can love each and every one of us. I suddenly seem so infinitesimally insignificant. Is there anything about my grain of sand that could possibly catch Your attention?
But what does it say about me and my “self” that I want to stand out and be recognized by You?One thing it may say is that I am still too concerned with my “self” – but this time with my smallness, my insignificance – nonetheless my “self.” It might be that there is some sort of mysterious correlation between my worry about my insignificance and my actual insignificance. I guess such concern about this hints at a lack of trust in You. Your ways are not our ways. We may not be able to conceive of You loving each and every individual who has ever lived, but that inability is in us – not in You. I am tempted to think that You deal not with individuals but with mankind, but that is easily disproved because of the record of Your concern for individuals in the gospels. Then too there is the intimation that the Father not only sees and knows each of us individually but even every hair on our heads.
People are impressed by numbers and so we see ourselves as an easily missed grain of sand amidst uncountable other grains. But no number, no currency, no treasure qualifies Your love for each single one of us. As difficult as this is to imagine, it is what we should ponder.