Letters to Jesus (Contrary Spiritual Notions) - 19
I say to You every morning, “Accept today my will to do what I would not choose to help atone for my past sins.” In thinking about this I was wondering (if I could so choose) if there would ever be a day filled with what I would choose. It’s a human inclination, and mine especially, to try and “set up” such days. I guess that’s what we wish others when we say, “Have a good day.” I mean how many times have You heard someone say, “Have a bad day so you can atone for your sins?”
We hope to attain heaven. We hope to avoid hell – both to the detriment of loving You. Sin is a nuisance. I think it bothers us more than it does You. You’ve taken care of it once and for all, but we still feel the guilt.
Guilt always makes us feel we owe something – and we do! Love! Planning a day totally of my choosing or accepting a day full of what I might not choose may, ostensibly, be no different. Guilt resides in both. We can atone with joy or we can atone with sorrow. All that matters is that either way it is with love. The fact that it is tougher to love when we accept what we would not choose sharpens the focus of atonement. Suffering does, indeed, teach. We learn more about love in the times when it’s hardest to love. In trying to avoid such times we avoid opportunities to grow in love. Therefore, it seems to me our love in situations that we would not choose covers more of our guilt. Hence my prayer probably should be, “Accept my will to do what I would not choose so that it helps me grow in love.” It is love that atones for our failures and love shines brightest in times when it is hardest to give.