DeBorrah K Ogans Marriage Educator, Counselor, Life Coach, Author, Minister

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   Thursday, November 17, 2011

How Do I Love Thee - Food For Thought Before You Say


 In This 21 st century many marriages are ending in divorce. Many couples wait until they have reached the edge of their rope before they reach out for help. Or they reach out to someone other than their spouse to satisfy their emotional or physical desires outside of the marriage! Frustrated and at their wits end they now all too often seek divorce as an option.

Not realizing that there needs to be a time of healing after divorce many rush into marriage again... Did you know that second marriages result in divorce at an even higher percentage rate as well? Third marriages even moreso....! It really is important to take time to heal before marrying the second or third time around! Too often the same problems arise and there is major anxiety experienced by the couple!

In todays culture “anything goes” making it really easy to adopt the world’s concept of marriage. When a couple decide they want to marry the last thing they want to hear is “wait.” Knowing that 55 – 60% of marriages end in divorce I think it is important to take time and weigh some things "Before You Say “I DO!”

Each couple is really quite different! Each marriage is different! The original foundational principles of marriage remain the same! Marriage is a spiritual union! Your marriage is and will be what you make it!

“How Do I Love Thee” is a mini premarital guide from a biblical perspective! I want to share some things you may want to consider? All across the nation there is a push to change marriage! The laws have already been changed in some states... Here in California they are vigilantly working to redefine marriage and change the laws as well… As an adult you have many alternatives and are afforded the right to choose… God’s original design for marriage has not changed! I am Pro Marriage GOD ’S WAY!

Marriage is ordained by God! It is meant to be a lifetime commitment ! Here in “HOW DO I LOVE THEE ; I would like to share with you a few things to ponder and consider? This is the first in a series of (8) eight short lessons in marriage principles!

MARRIAGE DEFINED In Webster’s new encyclopedia dictionary marriage is defined as; “The state of being married, the mutual relation of husband and wife: wedlock, the institution whereby a man and a woman are joined in a healthy special relationship for the purpose of making a home and raising a family, an act of marrying, an intimate or close union.”

The Scriptures tells us marriage is defined by God. When God created Adam He realized that Adam needed a helpmeet. Therefore He created Eve so Adam would have a companion. Eve was created while Adam was in a deep sleep. Eve was a God given gift to Adam for companionship.

Marriage is part of one of the first institutions God ordained; which is the family. The New King James Open Bible states; “The family was the first human institution God created. Through the family God illustrates visibly the relationships that exist between Christ and His Church.

Through the family God sought to bring into proper relationship the world with Himself. He created all of the heavens and the earth and the things in them that they might prepare the way for and sustain the crown of HIS creation-humanity.” (1990, pg.29) The husband and wife relationship is an intricate part of the family.” The Lord God said, “ It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all of the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air.

He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the live stock, the birds of the air, and all the beasts of the field. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping He took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place of flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman” for she was taken out of man. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2. (NIV)

When a man is mature enough to leave his parents and establish a relationship with a woman he should seek God’s guidance.

God created man in His own image. Eve was “bone of his bone.” Ephesians 5. (NIV) states: “For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the Church: for we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery; but I speak concerning Christ and the Church.” Ideally speaking marriage should be a one time, for a lifetime, monogamous and God centered relationship. Why God centered? Because with God in the center He’ll will make up for the differences.The differences are our imperfections.

Marriage a lifetime commitment two imperfect people make to one another. God is totally aware of our imperfections. God is a perfect God and “We can do all things through Him” Philippians 4. (NIV) If we remain faithful to His principles located in the Scriptures and apply those principles within the marriage relationship , God will reveal Himself. It is through the marriage relationship we are given the opportunity to experience true love amd commitment to another human being. It is through this relationship we can learn to fully express ourselves spiritually, emotionally and physically.

The marriage bed is undefiled. According to the Scriptures “ the marriage bed is honorable among all.” Hebrews 13. (NIV) The marriage bed is a sanctioned place for a pure physical, sexual relationship. If at this time you are engaging in a sexual relationship I recommend you cease, it clouds the issues and hinders your ability to be objective, moreover you are outside the will of God. Just be patient and exercise some discipline, reserve the sexual relationship for the “undefiled marrige bed".


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