Worry is a funny thing. Worrying about others may show a degree of love and concern, but, on another level, it may show a lack of trust.
As You know, I am a worrier. I worry about almost everything. I even worry about being a worrier. I lean toward the feeling that it’s a bad thing, but I can’t seem to help myself. I worry primarily about those I love most. I worry about their safety, their health, and most of all about their relationship with You. Worst of all, I worry about me not being a factor in all three of these, which is, when I stop to think about it, more like worrying about myself. Superficially I tend not to think that I worry about myself; that I care more about others. But I’m starting to see that my worry about others may be a mask for a more deep-rooted worry about myself.
Many times are recorded when You would begin or end an exhortation to Your disciples with the words, “Fear not.” It’s pretty much the same as saying, “Don’t worry.” You also told Martha not to be so anxious about so many things. Your admonitions are clear. So why is this such a stubborn problem for me? Again, at its root, I see more of a lack of trust combined with a self-centered worry. I am more afraid of failing others than afraid of their ability or inability to find their own way. The reason is because I fear the guilt I may feel for being found lacking in some regard. This in turn keeps me so busy worrying about doing things that keep me from being lacking that putting trust only in myself is the result. The worry characterized by this kind of fear and busyness is a barrier to being fully open to You – to letting go and letting God.
What I wish is that I could dispassionately commit everything into Your hands and forget about it. This will never completely happen because I am who I am and only You are willing to accept that; but with effort some greater degree of it may yet come to pass.