banner
 
  Home >> Blogs >> I'm becoming such a horrible person, so starting today, during the wee hours of the morning basically, I decided to start my blog off with a note to God.

this user is offline now  Lostpeace
Send message

Subscribe



Categories:
  True2ourselves

Archive:
October 2019
September 2019
August 2019
July 2019
June 2019
May 2019
April 2019
March 2019
February 2019
January 2019
December 2018
November 2018
October 2018
September 2018
August 2018
July 2018
June 2018
May 2018
April 2018
March 2018
February 2018
January 2018
December 2017
November 2017
October 2017
September 2017
August 2017
July 2017
June 2017
May 2017
April 2017
March 2017
February 2017
January 2017
December 2016
November 2016
October 2016
September 2016
August 2016
July 2016
June 2016
May 2016
April 2016
March 2016
February 2016
January 2016
December 2015
November 2015
October 2015
September 2015
August 2015
July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
January 2015
December 2014
November 2014
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
February 2014
January 2014
December 2013
November 2013
October 2013
September 2013
August 2013
July 2013
June 2013
May 2013
April 2013
March 2013
February 2013
January 2013
December 2012
November 2012
October 2012
September 2012
August 2012
July 2012
June 2012
May 2012
April 2012
March 2012
February 2012
January 2012
December 2011
November 2011
October 2011
September 2011
August 2011
July 2011

Who Gives Kudos:



 

  

I'm becoming such a horrible person, so starting today, during the wee hours of the morning basically, I decided to start my blog off with a note to God.

Oh my :'(, I don't feel so hot about myself right now.  No one will listen, no one cares about me trying to live a good Christian life.  If I even mention God around my Dad or my Mom, they both get scared and they think I'm going insane again.  It's a long story, but basically, I went overboard on praying and I basically ended up in a mental ward.  But, now that I'm on medicine and I'm doing better I thought they would look past that.  Now I can't even pray around them, or even sometimes in my own room.  I dunno what else to do.  Oh Jesus, this is the only thing I can think of to do.  I've got to change my ways, I've got to get back to you, because lately I've been addicted to the images of pornography.  I dunno where to turn though, I just :'(, I don't want to end up in hell.  Oh Jesus, I just don't want to be a part of that filth down there....but no one here understands me.  I'm 21, I haven't moved out nor am I in college yet (So I still live under my parents roof), I have no friends my age (I never had any friends my age), I don't feel like I belong.  I cry almost all the time, and sometimes I'll look out my window just waiting to get out of here, because I want to be able to feel peaceful.  I used to not be this way.  I used to be so peaceful, so loving, so full of joy, and when I entered high school...all of that changed.  All of that changed, all because I just wanted to fit in.  And look where that got me?!  Sure, I try to do good things like clean up around the house everyday, make supper everyday, and clean dishes everyday.  I try to live a good life, but I feel just so crumby about myself almost all the time.  I go to therapy all the time, because I'm so socially anxious around anyone anymore.  So, I guess I'm going to need to start praying when I'm alone in the house or when I get the chance again, because I just don't feel good about myself anymore.  I doubt myself, I'm so much more paranoid than I ever have been before, I have that addiction problem.  I just want Jesus, I literally thirst for this change in my life, but how can I possibly start when everyone around me doesn't view me in the same light that they did before?  How can I change when I'm loosing confidence in my own abilities?  Well, when school starts up for my other brothers and when my Dad is off at work, I think I'll secretly start praying.  I can't believe I even have to do that, but, I cannot change anything unless I make it happen....and the more time I waste on this Earth, the less time I have to make it happen.  So...starting today, I'm going to change.  I may not be able to pray a rosary yet, but, I can at least say small prayers everyday from the heart.

Dear God,

Today, I will think about the virtue of charity.  What can I do to help someone today?  What can I do to learn to love someone today?  What random act of kindess can I perform today?

Love,

Lostpeace :'(

 

Mood: sad
- 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add comment 

  Comments
sunni49 | Sun Jul 31, 2011, 19:07

Believe in yourself.  God created you to love and to be loved by him.  He knows your heart and hears your prayers.  Trust him.  He is your best friend and is with you always.  He will never leave you, he loves you so much.  His desire is for you to fall in love with him and trust him because his love is unconditional.  No matter what you do, he will still love you, but his desire is that you listen in your heart for him to speak to you and let you feel that love.

Blessings, my friend.


 
|
|
|
|
|
 
Copyright © 2009 - 2012 True2ourselves. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission is prohibited.