What I write to You in any given day usually colors that whole day for me. I suppose that’s a big reason why, over the years, I’ve been reluctant to talk about death with You. I cannot deny that there is an exponential proportion between the number of years in my age and the frequency with which I entertain thoughts of my oncoming demise. What’s really amusing, in an ironic way, is my apprehension over death robbing me of my mornings with You. Attribute this to not being truly able to see clearly – and forgive me.
Sometimes I write as though I have a partial grasp of the veil that separates me from You – but I really don’t. I’m pretty much clueless or else I could see the foolishness of concern with missing my mornings. What, in fact, I might take from that feeling is the recognition of my strong desire to spend time with You – to be with You, and, of course, death is the gate through which we must pass.
It’s the moment of death we fear. It’s that point in time we dread even though we know what’s beyond is desired. We dread the moment like we dread going to the dentist, or taking our driving test, or getting a letter that says we’re drafted, or one from the IRS saying we are being audited. We dread physical and mental anguish and we know that the moment of death may contain this. As we get older our active imaginations conjure up all kinds of images of how we’ll die: an accident, a disease, our organs giving out, violence, an act of nature – these and more are all considerations.
I guess dwelling on these things is quite natural. It doesn’t really accomplish anything and it doesn’t really belie our trust in You or in heeding Your exhortations to “fear not.” It’s just a built-in, unavoidable, reaction to an end-point in what we see as the continuum of life. It is the unknown, and I guess we always fear that. But we also selfishly fear missing something in life. How often do we intimate to ourselves that we just want to live long enough to do this or that? We tend to look at life for what we can get out of it rather than what we can put into it.
There’s so much in life that begs love and belief – not understanding! Yet we somehow instinctively place a higher premium on understanding. Faith and love overcome fear – understanding does not! If we believe and if we love, we dissolve fear.