I'm an only child, so when I was growing up it was important for me to have friends. I grow up in a small town in the South, everyone knew each other for the most part. My mother was an only child as well, I don't know if she had a lot of friends when she was young, but before her death there wasn't to many people that didn't know who she was. When I was little I remember playing with my dolls, talking to them as most children do when they are alone a lot. I had a lot of dolls, a lot of toys, that may have been my mothers way of trying to show me her love by giving me things, (for a long time I thought that was love, giving things).
Everybody else that I lived around had siblings, I was the only one that didn't have any. I didn't realize until I got older that everyone that I lived around was poor, some more than others. I remember this one family that lived near my great grandmother, the children would come to school dirty, all the children would make fun of them, I never understood why they did that, I remember taking up for the girl that was in my class, asking my cousin why she didn't want to play with her and why was everyone making fun of them. I understood that they were smelly and dirty, but I didn't think that was a reason to be mean to them. I was friendly to all these children because I understood the feeling of being alone, the feeling of people not taking the time to see who you are. I had so call friends that would play with me, but it was more about me having more toys than they had, it wasn't because they liked me that much.
When I think back on my life when I was a child I remember being a lot different from most of the kids that I was around. At one time I was thinking; "maybe something is wrong with me." I would have dreams that would come true, when I would tell others what I seen and the dream came true, they would look at me like something was wrong with me, so I stopped telling what I seen.
Jealousy was another thing that I became aware of when I was a child, it took a long time for me to understand why people became jealous over all most anything. As I said I was an only child, my mother was too, that may have had a lot to do with us having a little more than others that came from a big family. Looking back on my time with my mother, I wonder if she had any /real/ friends!!!
As I have said many times before when talking about my childhood, I was a very angry and rebellious child. I became more rebellious after my mother was killed, but deep inside of me I always wanted a /true/real/ friend. A person that was able to love me for who I was, then I realized I have got to /learn/ how to be a REAL/TRUE friend. I didn't know how I was going to do this because I had never had one for very long.
When I moved to New York as a preteen, I came in contact with a lot more angry rebellious teens. My grandmother put me into a privet school my first year there, the next year I went to a public school were the kids did a lot of what they are doing in school today. That wasn't a good place for a kid like I was, but I did meet two girls that really did try to be a friend to me, but I didn't know how to be a friend in retune.
On my journy to learn how to be a real friend I met the person that would one day become my BFF. My son was going to school with her son, one day my son said to me; "mom you need to meet Ms. T. I think you will like her." I didn't think that we had that much in common, she was very outspoken and I was too. I liked going to clubs, she didn't club that much like I did but one night I ask her to go out with me. We started drinking this drink called; "skip and go naked," Ms. T. told me the next day when we talked, that's just what I did, when I got home I started taking off my clothes at the door, I didn't stop until I was /naked/. When I woke up the next day I was laying on top of the bed, no clothes on, thank God my children didn't see me like that, I will NEVER drink that again, and she never did.
Ms. T. came from a big family, they didn't have a lot growing up, but she was a person that was happy to see others do good. If she could help you she did, she never looked for anything in return. I had never been around anyone like her. If you did something that she didn't think was right, she would tell you, she didn't cut any corners. When she would tell me something that I didn't want to hear, (because truth hurts), I would get angry with her but her feeling were; "you'll get over it." To her it was more about telling me what I needed to hear than it was about telling me something that would not help me do better. She has seen me do a lot of /self destructive/ things over the years, things that she has never did, but she never put me down, she was always there if I needed her. Now I see first hand how to be a real/true friend, my friends tell me now that I have always been a good friend to them, a friend that sticks closer than a brother...