I LOVE GOD. HIS WAYS ARE AWESOME! HIS LOVE IS SO INCREDIBLE!
God's ways are so much higher than ours and that makes me so glad! I love the fact that God will give us a glimpse of how He moves us from one level to the next and that He makes changes in us without our realizing it until one day we discover we are thinking differently, doing things differently, and enjoying ourselves more.
My life was a bit chaotic that week and in a definite state of turmoil. I was reading a book I've had for years as the author was coming to town and I planned on going to see him. As I read I realized what God had been doing in my life in the last several months. From His Manifest Presence by Don Nori I read:
"Our calling is to be people who simply say yes to the Lord, find a place of heartfelt repentance and ask for His forgiveness and His anointing to overcome that particular weakness or sin. Then we can continue on with full, innocent, unabated fellowship with the Lord. The process of maturing is the ability to have the light shine in our hearts, and, instead of running from that light, to submit to it and repent."
"Maturing people do not reject the light of the Holy Spirit as He shines His Word in their hearts, correcting them, rebuking them, changing them and causing them to adjust their thoughts and actions to conform more to the image and likeness of Jesus Christ."
"We know we are maturing when God can put the light on in a particular area of our lives and our response is to want to deal with it and to do all we can to obey the Lord. We can let His light shine as brightly as He wants it to shine, and we can respond by growing up without grumbling against the Lord, grumbling against the Bible or deciding we don't want to read the Word any more because it tells us things we don't want to hear. The process of growing up demands that the more you grow up. the less complaining you will do. The more you mature, the less hassle you'll give the Holy Ghost."
"As the Word of God shines upon us, we are required to walk in truth and to walk in light. Every step God requires us to take causes us to change for the good. God's Word comes forth so that we can change and mature. God's Word comes forth so that we will grow up, so that as mature sons we can carry out His purposes. God has always wanted a dwelling place. He's always wanted a house. He's always wanted a people for His own possession. We can become that dwellling place only as we mature as sons of God."
"The goal is for me to become the Word, so I can walk in the Word, and in the truth. I am not interested in just knowing the Word. I am interested in becoming that which God wants me to be. It is not the hearers who are justified, it is the doers who are justified. The doers who become the Word of God personified in this world are the people in whom God seeks to establish His dwelling place as it is typified in Solomon's Temple."
God had been calling me to spend time in the Word and with Him on a daily basis. I was sporadic at best in the beginning. Not too much longer did I continue in that sloppy behavior. Soon I was reading in the morning, right after I took my pills. I asked Him where to read. I found myself reading a Psalm, a Proverb, something from a gospel, and then I read Romans 12:2 and Philippians 4: 4-9. After reading, I may have a conversation with God, which I often write down, or a prayer time or both.
He has also planted in me a strong desire to be all He would have me be. I don't know what that is exactly. One day at a time is what I hear. Truthfully, that's all I can handle these days.
I went to that conference alone, which I don't like to do, and was so blessed. I had a sense of freedom and empowerment I haven't had before. I knew God was with me and, as I learned, He's also inside me in a way I hadn't understood before. I enjoyed a different worship style - some new songs and some known songs - than I've experienced in the past six years. I made some discoveries about myself that were encouraging. I was concerned about the change that's being forced on me, but I learned change is a good thing, a step upward. Seeing what God has already worked without my awareness, has made me excited for what is ahead. He blessed me by bringing some old friends there and by my making a new friend. Two former students who were in my oldest son's class were there and I enjoyed warm greetings and conversations.
God's been telling me to look forward and not behind. This has helped me a great deal. I am sad for what was taken from me and the people involved, but I have a sense of adventure for what is ahead. As I wrote in July in one of our conversations, God told me - "Your faith is strong, but it needs to be stronger. I will build it for you. Hang on to me. I will lead you to the place you wish to go. Remember the scripture - 'don't worry about anything' - keep My peace in your heart and you will see things never dreamed of."
In July I didn't expect to be where I am now. I never even thought I'd be in this position. I have no clue where I will be next in the Kingdom, but I know it will be where God wants me and that's just where I want to be.