I have mentioned many times to You that I see my life as a seeking endeavor; an ongoing search for You, the ebb and flow of which colors my life. While this is true, there is something not quite right about a monomaniacal approach to the whole thing. Yes, I am searching and seeking for You in many different ways. But far more important than this realization is the realization that You are searching and seeking for me. I am a novice in the matter, but no one does it better than You.
You seek me by encouraging, supporting and loving my seeking for You; yet, unfortunately, I do not always encourage, support, and love the ways You seek me. With me it’s often more like a game of hide-and-go-seek, or ” Where’s Waldo?” as if the trick was to methodically solve the mystery of where You are. I think that this might be an approach that many people take and, upon reflection, I think it’s dangerous to our relationship with You. You’re not hiding!
From an early age we are taught that there is nothing God can’t do. But I suggest the one thing God can’t do is hide.” Where’s Waldo?” applies much more to me than You because I often try to hide from Your presence by ignoring it, or, worse, forgetting it. When I’m in this mode I construct a barrier against Your seeking me. I seek You with Your help, but I often ignore Your help and don’t seek You. At such a point it may seem to me that You are hiding.Yet, if we are truly aware; if we truly see and feel and touch, smell and taste – then You are present in every moment; and, not only that, but that very presence beckons to me in gentle whispers all day long.
You seek me through the graces imparted by Your spirit. This is constant. You are not hiding. You build no barriers – I provide them. Thus You have put my search in my own hands – and that’s the dilemma.