Is there anything I desire more from anyone I deeply love than that that person believe in my love and fully accept it? This is all, I think, that You want.
Striving for perfection in the spiritual life is a sign of this even though we fall far short. We are helpless, pitiful hypocrites for the most part whom, nonetheless, You love and, because of that, are precious. There is hope in that for a nation of cleverly disguised Judas Iscariots. Each one of us is a potential, if not actual, betrayer for whom You’d give up Your life. Wow!
It seems, from this, that all I have to do is learn how to rest in that love and forget about anything else. In one sense this may be true, but there seems to be a threat of complacency in this that I perceive as “falling short.” Maybe I’m wrong but a huge compulsion to love You back argues the point. The trouble spot here is being left to choose how I love You in return. I can devise myriad ways, all of my own conjuring, a large portion of which only pads my self-love. So, maybe the best way to meet that compulsion to love You back isto simply learn to rest in Your love, to accept it, trust it and, even though it’s always there, to desire it and bask in it.
Love indeed covers a multitude of sins but our sins, indeed, suppress a multitude of love. When I desire that another believe in and accept my love, anything “extra” in terms of “showing me” too often becomes self-aggrandizement. It would seem, then, that a necessary self-cautiousness be exercised about the way we show our love. What do I look for to see if someone believes in and accepts my love? I do look for signs, and I do weigh the signs for sincerity. At some point I am able to say, “I know that person loves me.” How do I know? I know because that person transcends him/herself for my sake. This is what You expect when I rest in Your love, a transcendence of self. In this transcendence of self for the sake of another – we love! In both big and small ways, each time we consider the tarnished radiance of another being as an extension, to some degree, of that Love which transcends and energizes all – we too love! If we can ever get to this point and develop it in our own lives, we will find the desire to have others believe in and accept our love superfluous.
Our primary desire, then, should only be – to love. If everyone’s only concern was just to transcend self and simply love (as the example of Your life has shown us) then the concern about others believing and accepting our love becomes a non-issue. To love then, in this sense, generates but is indifferent to being loved. It is the duplicity of our natures, a duplicity not possessed by Anthony DeMello’s flower, lamp, or tree, which places the condition of being loved on loving.