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   [18 May 2010 | Tuesday]

Scrutiny

 Since reading many blogs on here from many different backgrounds I question myself what it is that makes me so strong in believing that God is the only God and the only way to salvation. I am by no means a "good" christian, nor would I ever profess to be. But there are questions that have filled my mind countless times on what, and why I believe.

I think it started when I was living in BC. The first time I was ever really introduced to God and what he did for me. I was about 11 or 12. Since hearing the story of God, and all that was done, reading His word, etc. I came to the belief that there was no other religion out there for me. Although I highly take interesst in other religions such as Buhda, and others, I'm still 100% fixed on God and his creations as best as I know them to be. 

There are and most likely will always be things I just don't understand. Such as why there are so many denominations of Christianity. Christianity means "Followers Of Christ." So why is there Orthodox, Non-Denominational, Mennonite, and a million others?

Also, how I was taught, there aren't to be a "women" pastor. I believe in this, as I guess it was instilled in me awhile ago. So whenever I see a lady pastor, I don't think it's right. Is that the way to think?

My biggest doubt, fear and question is my eternity. I have accepted Jesus into my heart time and time again. I go to him when I'm in need, lost, alone, or just because I know he listiens. However, if I were to die right here, right now, this very second, I'm unsure of where I will spend the rest of my life. I once was told so long as you have Jesus in your life, you will be reunited with HIm in Heaven. But I do not always follow the Christian walk of life. I dabble in a lot of unchristian like hobbies including drugs, and lies. So my question stands: Would God still bring me into Heaven even though I sometimes walk my own path? Even though I know what God would want, but still ignore it anyway? Someone said that it doesn't matter of the things I've done, said, want, etc. The only thing that does matter is that God still loves me and desires a relationship with me. But how? When the only time I go to him is when something is wrong or I need him? 

I don't go to church. I guess I personallly believe that church is not "the way to heaven." your relationship with God is. You don't have to go to church to have a relationship with Jesus. Although, you grow more spirtually around other Christians who have their eyes fixed upon the same things. 

I wish God would come down in person and answer questions this world has been asking for half its evolvement . It would make things a lot easier. I want to have the most "pefect" christian life, and not ever lie again, not ever do drugs again, and not ever have a doubt in my mind again. But I guess so long as we live on earth and with satans influence upon us daily, we'll never know until the day comes. I just hope I'm able to be apart of God's world instead of the other.

Mood: hopeful
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