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LET GO AND LET GOD - REALLY! STAND BACK AND WATCH WHAT HAPPENS!

Stress was unbelievable and I wasn't following the advice God had given me about such situations. I was pushing myself beyond belief for weeks and then the crash came. I was sleeping most of the day and all night for the good part of a week. I had surgery scheduled in two weeks and didn't know if I should go through with it. I asked God but didn't get a yes or no as I often do - I got nothing. I saw my PCP for a preop check up and he felt the timing was good as it would be between my husband's chemo appointments. I still wasn't sure and after agonizing over it, I decided to let God take control and just back out of it in action and thought. That's when things started to pop.

I received a call from preadmissions at the surgical center. I gave my history over the phone. Not long after that I got a phone call from the anesthesiologist who wanted me to get a cardiac clearance. I discussed wth him my past history anesthesia wise and my concerns. He said he would make a decision as to whether I should be operated on in the surgical center or the hospital after he saw my heart test results. Another road block?

I made an appointment with a cardiologist I had never seen before. She was tough! I did learn more from her than her fellow cardiologists. She wanted me to have a chemical stress test before she gave her okay. She told me that orthopedic surgery is harder on the heart than others. It was scheduled for the Friday before the Thursday I was to have surgery -  a bit shorter time than the ten days they wanted. The test was painful when the chemical was injected into the IV. I had various reactions to it. They gave me an antidote after a while. I just can't manage to do things simply.

The next Monday my PCP scheduled me for an ultrasound and blood work. Tuesday I'm getting calls from the surgical center and the surgeon's office that they don't have my clearance from the doctors. It was needed before noon the next day. I called my PCP and they were waiting for my ultrasound and blood work results. That was okay but what did that have to do with my foot surgery? I did all I could do and had perfect peace even though I didn't have an answer about the surgery.

Wednesdays my PCP's office is open but he isn't there and they don't take phone calls. I was called by the surgical center as they still didn't have his clearance. I was surprised as I thought the hold up might be from the cardiologist. I happened to have my PCP's cell phone number so reluctantly I called and left a message. Another more urgent call came from the surgical center. I called my PCP again and this time he talked to me. He said he hadn't seen the reports and was unwilling to okay the surgery. Talk about the last minute! God used a lot of people to show me what He wanted for me. He also showed me that I don't have to be actively involved, trying to take over making things go my way - that by keeping my peace and going with the flow knowing He is leading is sufficient.

I don't know why my doctor decided against the surgery. He said he will see me when he gets back from his vacation. The reason at this time doesn't matter. I'll know when I see him in a month. Meanwhile, the week of the scheduled surgery, I had hives from the chemical stress test. I don't think adding anesthesia to the mix would have been very helpful.

The surgery is needed and I want to be free from pain  and off my crutches, but God must have something better in store. I'm just happy He did the decision making and not me.

Mood: grateful
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