God is so Good and so Faithful. He Opened My Eyes, I Repented, and He Blessed.
Waiting in the doctor's office, I was reading the practice of the presence OF GOD by brother Lawrence. I came to the following -
"I still believe that all spiritual life consists of practicing God's presence, and that anyone who practices it correctly will soon attain spiritual fulfillment.
To accomplish this, it is necesary for the heart to be emptied of everything that would offend God. He wants to possess your heart completely. Before any work can be done in your soul, God must be totally in control."
To accomplish this, it is necesary for the heart to be emptied of everything that would offend God. What a revelation! Light entered into the darkness.
These words struck deep into me and visions and thoughts of those things in my heart came flowing up to the surface. A sadness came with each of them. I confessed and sought forgiveness. I love God and the thoughts of offending Him caused me to feel ever so repentant.
On the way to the doctor's I had prayed for wisdom for the doctor. I knew that there was something wrong as my heart and mind were unsettled about my dealings with pain management and, while I wanted the pain to disappear, I wasn't comfortable with the decision we had made the last time. I was conflicted about what to do, so much so that I couldn't make a decision. I was still stubborn enough to want my own way, yet felt it wasn't the right way. Does that sound messed up?
That bit of revelation and repentance brought peace and I truly put everything into God's hands. I was called into the office.
I always come with a list of complaints or new findings and my doctor takes time to go over each of them with me. He also wants control over who else I see and what decisions are made. So far he has given great advice and I've been seeing him for just a year now. We have a fantastic relationship, a joyous one actually. I trust his advice and have found, the hard way of course, to follow what he tells me to do the first time he tells me.
He straightened out the mess I had in my mind and we agreed to have me not see this pain management doctor any more. We made alternate plans for pain control. I left feeling so much differently than when I came.
Once home I found a message about a friend being taken to the ER. I took my bottle of oil and headed for the hospital. By the time I reached the hospital, I had driven 100 miles to my doctor's and 30 miles to the hospital, spent almost three hours in the car listening to worship music the whole time and praying and talking to God. What a way to spend that time.
My friend was pleasantly surprised to see me. We managed a short period of time alone and I was able to anoint her with oil for healing and pray with her. This sweet sister, who has the gift of helps, allowed me to "help" her, a difficult task, and I felt blessed.
I then left her for a while to visit another friend in the hospital. She was not doing well. She also let me anoint her with oil and pray with her. She's ready to go home with the Lord she told me. I believe she probably won't have long to wait. We had a special time of sharing and again I felt so blessed that God allowed us the time together.
I went downstairs to the ER and my friend there will be going home to recover. It appears to be viral.
As I reflect on this day, I see the goodness of God in so many ways. I feel so very much loved by Him. Humbled. Blessed beyond belief. Comforted and at peace by knowing God is in control. Thank you God.