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What Do You Think?

My Story (short verison):

I divorced my husband of thirty years due to his addiction to porn and the roads it led us down.  When starting my life over I made a promise to myself that I would never let that happen to me again.  I have married again and things are great except for this one problem.  In my attempt to keep porn out of our relationship, I expect certain things from my husband.

  • No prolonged looks at other women/second looks
  • When watching TV I expect him to look away if something comes on that offends me (half dressed women/women with their boobs hanging out etc.)
  • No magazines that have pictures of half dressed women.

We can't even watch football without having to see half dressed women.  My question to you is, do I expect to much from my husband?  I know he isn't perfect, nor am I!  I just want to be the only woman he looks at or desires.  Any input would be greatly appreciated!!  If you have a question please feel free to email me.  Thanks!

 

Mood: confused
- 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add comment 

  Comments
NotFinishedYet | Thu Sep 03, 2009, 18:09

this user is offline now

Bella: it sounds as if your experience with your first husband left you with some trust issues.  Perhaps you are now transferring that to your new husband.  I can't tell from your blog how he feels about your expectations, but I suspect that the reason you are posting this is that there is some disagreement occurring.  Perhaps he feels you're going overboard with your expectations and he wants to just watch football?  I know of few magazine/newspapers that don't have ads where appealling women are presented, and certainly not TV.  Perhaps your expectation in those things set him up to fail as they are impossible to keep in daily life.

You've been hurt, Bella, but not by this man from what you say here.  It's not fair to him or healthy to your relationship in my opinion to transfer that hurt over to him.  I would suggest that you should seek to set aside your former hurt and work on building a trusting relationship with your new husband outside the shadow of your first marriage.  He loved you and desired you, so he married you, Bella.  He chose to make you first in his life.  Let him become your helpmate.  Express your fears to him and work with him to resolve it.  You can't do it on your own. 

You'll be in my prayers.     Peggy


 
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