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this user is offline now  cessa
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Gender: Female
Status: In a relationship
Age: 63 Years

City:Winnipeg
State: MB
Country: Canada


Signup Date: 09/03/2009

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12:05 PM   [03 Sep 2009 | Thursday]

no where to turn

i have a problem and i really don't know how to solve it...any input would be appreciated...my problem...my boyfriend had colon cancer 4 months ago...it was totaly by fluke that they found it...he had been sick for a while and went in for a real sore neck...i was by his side all the way and still am...i just found out that my son..he is 33 has a lump ...the doctor told him that these type of tumors are cancer...i am torn between the two...only because of the comment my boyfriend made to me which was.."you never reacted like that when I found out I had cancer"...i am trying to be strong...but my son has so much going on in his life because of his ex that i just don't know what to do anymore...my boyfriend is feeling neglected because i want to be there for my son....and we argue over anything i mention about my son...please....i welcome any and all input on how do i manage both in my life....my boyfriend just doesn't understand that this is my son...i should mention that it is still fresh in my mind the fact that just 5 years ago i came home from work and found my husband dead in bed....tried to revive him but couldn't...so i don't know if that is clouding any decisions....

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  Comments
NotFinishedYet | Thu Sep 03, 2009, 17:09

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Cessa: I'm truly sorry to hear about these things happening to you.  I think your closing sentence is probably telling you what's happening.  You are reliving the trauma of losing your husband and not being able to help him.  With your son facing cancer, you want to "correct" that if you can: after all he is a part of your husband that you have left.  And your boyfriend..... well, dear, he's looking for you to make a commitment to him that you just can't do right now.

I can't tell from your post what your son expects of you.  You don't really say if he's looking to you for his primary support or if that is the role you want even if he hasn't asked for it.  But you have said in this brief note that you have experienced 3 major loses in the last 5 years: your husband's death, the colon cancer shifted for you who your boyfriend is, and now your afraid for your son.  That's too much for anyone to handle alone.  Is there someone you trust to talk with: a pastor or counselor who can let you grieve the losses you have faced with each one and the fears you hold?  Perhaps having that type of person will help you sort out what to do and how to bring your boyfriend along with you through all this.  Pray about this, Cessa, and see if that is where you should head.  I'll be praying for you!   Peggy


Soulheart3 | Thu Sep 03, 2009, 19:09

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Hi Cessa;   I am sorry to hear of your problems.  I will be praying for your situation.   Your son was your love before your boyfriend.  I would think someone who loves you wouldnt make you choose between him and your son, but I dont fully know the situation.   I may well be wrong, but I would tell my boyfriend that if he cant accept your love and concern for your son, then perhaps he's being a bit too sensitive and needy.   But I am not sure how wise that would be as I dont know the boyfriend well enough to know how much that would hurt him and if it would destroy your relationship with him.  The bible has a great verse that always helps me "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.   In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."  Prov 3:5-6


MaryC | Thu Sep 03, 2009, 22:09

Cessa,

The problem is that both you and your boyfriend are overwhelmed and needy. You both need support outside of the relationship. Remember you only have so much to give. My prayer for you is that God gives you the energy you need to deal with all of this and the wisdom to decide how to use your energy.

MaryC


speaklife | Fri Sep 04, 2009, 00:09

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i understand how you feel and i can truly say if he loves you as a boyfriend he'll understand and my prayer is that you will be able to handle it and that God will see you through all of it


cessa | Sat Sep 05, 2009, 12:09

thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers...i will take them all to heart...thank you


 
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