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   [10 Jul 2009 | Friday]

Winding Roads Leading Me Astray

  I'm supossed to be out looking for a job right now. I haven't done so all week. Can't get motivated. I haven't worked in over a year now. I'm 23 and still live at home with mommy and step-daddy. Its true; I've achivied my grade 12; and that in itself is a true blessing and accomplishment. Well; at least it is for me!

So apart from not looking for a job; I've also gone through a qrtr within 4 days. Perhaps it was only 3 days. It doesn't  help i'm supplying mike and my step dad with it when they run out also! But mike has nothing and no money. My step dad gets paid tonight but i feel he'll only be getting an 8th. Stupid.

I also think i might be losing my hearing somewhat. Either that; or its the pills i've been taking repeatedly. :S. Since the demorel; I haven't taken anymore of that. From a bottle of 50 to now having only 6 little pills left; my mom is bound to quickly discover it. I bought some cheap asprin night time crap that literally is crap. I dont think they put me to sleep at all. Reguardless; This is the next obsession to tackle. No more pills. They are killing me from the inside out and finnishing what the meth didn't have a chance to finnish. I've been getting more and more pains in my chest. I refuse to see a doctor in fear of ""you have this much time to live" speech or even worse. I don't want to hear it. If I am going to die in a short period of time; i'd rather it unknown. Unexpected. If I know; my mind would not come close to being able to deal.

I don't know. Some days its a blur; others its crystal clear.

Mood: None, or other
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