Last weekend was dedicated to spending time with The Lord. It was a weekend to contemplate 2014. To really reflect on how my life has changed since I truly desired a relationship with Jesus Christ. This was the year I coined the Perfect Disaster. It was filled with the refining process that God promises in order to fullfill His destiny for us. To show His ever lasting love while providing the discipline we so need.
Backing up to this time last year, I thought I had it all figured out. Oh sure, I was going to church every Sunday. I was reading scripture that was recommended by my pastor. I was trying to be a good person and doing good deeds to earn my way into Heaven. So while I thought I was doing "all the right things", I was also sinning in a way that was dishonoring to God. Unfortunately, I had no idea the extent of my sin.
I don't think I need to go into too much detail, but after a breakup with my seven year live in girlfriend, I had multiple affairs and relationships that were strictly based on sex, drugs, jealousy, anger and control. All these actions go against God's word. A word that He provides to us to strengthen us and guide us to eternity. It wasn't until I started plugging into church and serving unselfishly that I began to see how God wants us to be the light to others. Even then it took heartache, loss and loneliness to bring me closer to Him; The Perfect Disaster.
It was the beginning of January and I was working on a business deal with a woman named Jill. It turns out this woman went to the same church as me. After saying hello to her a couple weeks in a row, we starting texting each other on a personal level. She was so beautiful, so smart and so faithful to God. She had the strongest walk with Jesus I had ever seen. I was captivated by her and wanted to spend every minute of my life thinking about her, which I did. Even to this day I think about her daily. Yes, we are not together. Mostly, because I lied about many things, was jealous and I was angry.
In the same time I met a man from church named Jerry. He was on fire for the Lord. A prayer warrior that understood what a man needed to hear. At least that's what I thought. I confided in him with so many aspects of my life. The past,the future and Jill. I thought he was my new friend. A friend I had never had that I could go to with my issues. Again, at least that is what I thought.
A few weeks into dating Jill, I met another man named Christopher. He was in the same ministry as Jill. They seemed to be close. He was also single and I was intensely jealous of him. After much prayer, I was able to begin forming a friendship with him. But, deep,down, there was still rage and insecurity that I had for him and Jill.
These are the 3 relationships that impacted my year and helped me strengthen my relationship with Jesus. At this time in January, I do not have a strong relationship with either. This is the refining that God puts us through. A very difficult and very uncomfortable discipline.
My next posting will begin to go through the sinful and hurtful relationship I had with Jill. It will dig into jealousy, anger, debauchery and broken hearts. All lessons that The Holy Spirit convicts us on. God bless all of you and I look forward to being transparent and honest with all. I love you my brothers and sisters.
Disclaimer: All names have been changed to protect the identities of the people involved. It shows discernment and love. The way God would want us to be. Phil 1:10