At one time in my life I was so afraid to look inside of myself because I thought I was so black and tarnished in there, I was afraid of what I might see. Even if I could stand to see how terrible I was inside. God doesn't see me that way. Since I believe that Jesus is God's Son and died on the cross to save me from my sins. I am not black and tarnished inside either, I don't think that God has ever seen me that way as God sees Black and darkness as transparent. He created me and what He creates cannot be that ugly inside. We may make choices that make us that way and we stray from God, and don't accept His Son as our Savior. But God still loves us and always wants us to turn to Him and His ways.
Why do people think that way? That they are so horrible and black inside, even after they are saved. I believe the feeling is planted by Satan. It's a way he can keep us from working and fulfilling the work God has for us here on earth. Feeling that way about ourselves makes us feel impotent and makes us in-active in God's work. When in fact After we are saved God fills us with the Holy Spirit and gives us both The power of the Holy Spirits' (dunamis) To hear God speak to us and guide us, but also energetic power (energien), to get up and do what was requested of God. Have you ever been requested by God to do something and just didn't feel you had the physical or emotional energy to do it? But once stepping forward to do the work He gave you, felt elated and filled with energy? I sure have, ad it's exhilarating! This is a superhuman power. God also gives us the powerful ability to overcome resistance kratos). Praise God for that!
We have all this power and don't realize it's full potential. Why? Not answered easily, and as always the answer is more than one thing. But right now I am looking at our love of self. Do we think self love is wrong? I have to admit there is a negative side to feeling that way, as we can see daily in people not living their lives for Christ. I want, I want, Me, me, me, etc. But God tells us that He wants us to love our neighbor as ourselves. Mostly interpreted, love your neighbor MORE than yourself. But how can we give love if we don't have it? If we don't love ourselves we have nothing to give our neighbor. On a scale of 1-10 if we love ourselves at a 4, that is all or less, we can share with our neighbor, or basically we become emotional dust.
Self love can be negative, self love can also be a positive. We are creations of our Lord, God. He created us with His love He breathed our first breath into us with His spirit, we are wonderfully made by Him. He loves us, gave His Son for our sins - how much more can God love us? How much do we dishonor Him by not loving ourselves. If we love ourselves in God's way, a healthy and honorable way, we will not become a part of the world's selfish, self love.
Thing is, when we really look inside of us while holding God's hand, we find out that we really aren't so black and tarnished inside. Then we ask ourselves why we were so afraid to look. In fact after claiming our salvation through Christ we have a light that shines within us, God's light. Yes, we have some sins to release and to look at, but God will not give us more than we can handle at one time. He will show us those sins and how to repent for them one at a time as we can deal with it. He loves us and does not want to blow us away with our sin, but shows His kindness and love towards us by lovingly leading us towards finding that knowledge.
Once I began looking inside of myself, I saw my little light, inside. Things didn't seem so bad in there as I had thought, so I allowed God's light to grow brighter and brighter in me and in doing so I felt less afraid of God and less afraid of my inside self and what lurked there. It was like being afraid of the boogie man living under my bed. The fear stayed, until I finally got the courage to look under the bed and see that the boogie man was not there. I was afraid of the dark, the blackness.
I wanted to share something I partially knew (being an artist), "black" and darkness are non-colors. The Bible dictionary describes Darkness as transparent (see below)the study of this word opened up a whole new spiritual aspect of the word. I hope it does you too.
Definition of the word black: Black is the darkest color, the result of the absence of or complete absorption of light. It is the opposite of white and often represents darkness in contrast with light.
Definition of the word Darkness:
noun: darkness 1.the partial or total absence of light
synonyms: dark · blackness · gloom · dimness · murkiness · shadow ·
[skovto"]) is an evocative word. If light symbolizes God, darkness connotes everything that is anti-God: the wicked ( Prov 2:13-14 ; 1 Thess 5:4-7 ), judgment ( Exodus 10:21 ; Matt 25:30 ), and death ( Psalm 88:12 ). Salvation brings light to those in darkness ( Isa 9:2 ). Although darkness is opaque to man, it is transparent to God ( Psalm 139:12 ). Indeed, God can veil himself in darkness at moments of great revelation ( Deut 4:11 ; 5:23 ; Psalm 18:11 ).
Let our self love grow so that we may serve God better.
2.wickedness or evil:
"the forces of darkness"
synonyms: evil · wickedness · sin · iniquity · immorality · devilry · the Devil