Fighting For Power Though Debates and Discussions. Pride Rears it's Ugly Head.
Usually I blog with the theme of finding God's treasures in our lives. I imagine this blog can fall under the same category,but does vary some.
This one starts with a story of something that happened a couple of days ago,and turned out to be another of God's wonderful, freeing lessons for me. I say lessons because many areas were incorporated in purification and lessons.
I have been having consistent problems with a person in my life who is in the hierarchy of my church. This person is very hard to talk to, at least for me, I can't say about others. We are unable to have a dialogue together. Our conversation quickly ends up into a debate. Which, as soon as I catch on to, I quickly back out of. I believe that debating is not a thing that God wants us to do. Why? because the idea of a debate is for someone to win and in doing so have the power of winning over the other person. In other words brining oneself up through bringing another down. Please look the words up in the Dictionary, Debate, Discussion, Dialogue and compare them.
I remember when I was a new Christian, I started many debates. Talking to people who didn't know Jesus and those who did. I'd throw my newly learned scriptures at them to prove who God was and why they should believe. Then toss scripture at Christians to prove their theory's were wrong and mine correct! I memorized the verses and book they were in and quoted them (not that memorizing scripture is wrong, it was how I used them). Though (looking back) I really knew nothing in the depth of those verse(only the surface words)I thought I knew it all! Finally God got it through my young head that, He was God, I did not have to defend Him, or debate for Him. He asked . . . Who was the debate really for? I realized it was for me and my pride, not to build God up, but me.
Yesterday many years later, God taught me more. I was with a group of people from my church, I wanted to go to lunch after church and saw a group that was going. So I asked if I could join them. They politely said yes. Looking back, I heard this tiny voice in me not to go, but I was so involved with other things and thoughts of lunch that I didn't hear God speaking to me. His voice was tiny, because I wanted what I wanted and neglected to remember that He is the one who watches out over me . . in ALL ways.
The person who I can't seem to talk to was in the group. I was cautioned again, I was cautioned on my drive to the restaurant as well, but still did not listen. We ordered our lunch and I listened to the conversation. I noticed that most of the people there were looking at this person as someone very special that they wanted to cozy up to. In one of the conversations, I mentioned my thoughts on one of the statements. It was not hostile, or meant to be. But I was immediately attacked loudly by this person. Their voice changed to a very dominate tone. I was told "that is what I mean! you can't make blanket statements like that!" I didn't feel I had made a blanket statement, but was shocked at their explosion. I had thought that being an adult that this person would understand that it was not a blanket statement, how could it be? Then they challenged me with a question, can you prove it! I knew I could not prove it in the way they wanted. But said I had heard about the problem on the news and seen myself some of the repercussions that had been caused from the things that had happened.
I felt over powered by this person, shocked at their response. I started to defend myself and question them about what they were saying . . . a debate had ensued. I backed down as soon as realized it.
On the way home, I prayed and asked God what was happening? I was confused. I questioned my actions before God . . .Was it me? Was it the way I was speaking when talking to them? I had been praying for a long time for an answer to this problem and why it was happening. Then I had some feelings come up in me about what had happened in the restaurant. I realized that God was showing me that pride had come out in me, and is why I started to be sucked into the debate. I was also embarrassed about what the other people at the table (those who I liked and loved) would think of me after this episode and being put down by the other person (Pride again).
Then I realized, because I had also been asking God to help me understand this person. I wanted to understand them and pray for them in a more detailed way. That God was giving me the answer, a more detailed answer than before. HE had told me before that a lot of the problem was their pride. This person needed to build themselves up in God. That is why my pride was lessening - something I had also been praying for. God was helping me build myself up in Him. When I am prideful, I don't hear God as well, pride is a wall between us.
In my praying for that person on a regular basis, I was allowed to see some breaking in their countenance, an opening in their heart. I could see the emotion in their face during one of our sermons in my church. I thanked God He was able to begin to move in this persons life. I continue praying.