Having A Sense of Humor While Your World is Collapsing
Prior to falling unconscious the first time. For weeks before, I had been blacking out. It was like sleepwalking, but I was not dreaming. I was totally blank about what I was doing. A pretty scary thought, but God looked after me. I would get on FB and find things that I had posted in response to posts my friends had written, but didn't remember writing them! I don't know why, but I thought - "Oh, well." Looking back that seems like an odd response. I did think maybe someone had hacked my FB account, but upon reading the posts. They were properly written responses and about subjects a hacker could not have known about. I have to admit, I did wonder about that, but again, my thoughts were "Oh, well, at least they aren't saying improper things to my friends. All during the times of the blackouts I was living, what looked like a normal life. cooking for myself, dressing, talking with people, driving, shopping in town, taking care of my animals and sleeping a lot.
I didn't know until after this was all over, but people told me that I had been staggering, and slurring my speech. I guess everybody began to think I was a closet drinker. I am not saying that I never drank because at the time I did. My back had been in terrible pain for years. Sometimes I couldn't bear it. The Doctor gave me pain pills for it, I had surgery and before that Saddle blocks to lessen the pain. It would always creep back. So when it got so bad I couldn't stand it, I would have a strong drink. Sometimes several times a day. I told my Doctor about this, in fact, I made a chart and would show him the chart each time I went to see him. I was very nervous about taking the pain pills with the alcohol. He told me that the pills I was taking would not be too bad if taken with Alcohol. But to watch it. He knew the pain I was in, it was debilitating pain. I could not live a normal life almost any life and the pain exhausted me! I was actually scared, because both my mother and step dad had died of Alcohol, my Mom with drugs and alcohol, a suspected overdose.
Right now I am talking about the circumstances, later I will tie it all in to what God taught me and how he used me and has used me since this happened. This will tie into many of your lives who have had terrible things happen to you. That is my and God's point for this whole Blog. How good comes from what looks like is terrible, and how He can turn it around. My testimony is the only experience of this and needed to be shared with others. We ALL need to be sharing our testimonies of God in our lives. My hopes are that this blog will also help you to do that also. In doing so Glorify God!
Every day when I sit down to write in this blog, I ask God to help me share the things He wants me to. To help me find the right words to write - His words in ways people can hear Him and see Him through my testimony.
Back to the hospital. I was there for at least two weeks. I don't remember who came to visit, I don't remember who called. But I probably could not talk to them anyway. My sister Heidi told me they had to strap my arms down because I keep trying to take all my tubes out. From the photos I saw, I had a tube in every place possible to insert one and new places made to insert more. All I remember in my half awake states (but I could not see anyone) is that they did not belong there, so I tried to remove them.
I began to come out of my blackness, and became semi aware at times. I remember talking to some nurses. The TV was on (I guess for stimulation) but I could not see it. My eyes could not see. I could hear it on, that is all. I was frightened. Then I began to be able to see again I was served my first meal Because I had been on the IV for feeding for so long, and had a tube down my throat,I had to eat only soft foods. They had to see how my swallowing worked, the muscles there can atrophy too. If I could not swallow properly I could aspirate (food in my lungs). I did well. But my hand eye coordination was terrible! I finally got the spoon in my hand (that I could see on the table)that took awhile! Then once in my hand to put it in the pudding was a whole other different thing. I couldn't get the spoon to the pudding bowl. Once that was accomplished, I couldn't find my mouth and ha a lot of pudding on my face. I realized that this must be how a baby must feel, I wished I had known that when I was a young mother. I became frightened, will I be this way forever? God answered, no, the baby doesn't know at all how to feed itself. You do, so you will remember soon. I thanked God for that insight, then laughed at myself and how clumsy I was! thinking how I must look with all that "Pudding on my face!" That was God helping me be positive, think positive and have humor in a terrible situation. He was there with me guiding and teaching me. I believe God has a good sense of humor, in fact we have had many a good chuckle about me (the human). Getting the spoon to my mouth was one of them. Even creating me and some of the silly things I do - we both have to laugh at! I don't looked at those things as being stupid and I don't think that God does either. That is NOT His nature. I am a "human" and in being so, I do some funny things. If you look in the Bible or on the computer and ask the question: Does God have a sense of humor. You will find some junk, but then you will also find some very good scriptural answers too. God made US in the Image of Himself. We have a sense of humor (most of us ;) ) That leads me to believe that God does too! Add some laughter to your life and don't take things so seriously - so what if you can't get that spoon into that pudding much less into your mouth! Have faith in God - He will prevail and give you some laughs too, if you don't take things too seriously!