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12:06 PM   [12 Mar 2014 | Wednesday]

From Healthy Pregnancy To Bad News

March 12 2014--We went to the doctor today for a routine visit We are 15 weeks pregnant. Things seemed to be going fine. I had been losing some mucous plug(sorry I know a bit gross but hey this is real life and stuff happens) for around two weeks but the doctor assured me that can be normal to just get some rest that it can regenerate itself. Then came time for her to check the babies heart rate. She seemed as if everything was just fine and said well you are going to be difficult today huh baby lets go over to the ultrasound and we can check it there. As soon as she said that I knew something was wrong. I have two babies already and have never had that happen, I know it can but it hasn't to me. We went into the ultrasound room and I knew that this baby was not alive. The baby wasn't moving and there was no little flickering of the heartbeat. The doctor didn't tell us all she said was me and this machine don't get along well let me go get one of the other doctors. When the other doctor came in he looked at us and said I have to confirm that she is right I don't see anything either. Then our doctor told us that the baby was dead and there was no heartbeat. I instantly started crying. I just lay there with my hand over my face sobbing. At that moment I felt that God spoke to me and said it is going to be ok I am going to use this for good and you will help someone else through this. The doctor asked if we would like a minute and my husband said yes so she left us. My husband was telling me it is going to be ok and he is not accepting this. He took our girls and went out to the car. The doctor came back in and talked a bit more and then I left. I was in complete shock. Here we had came for a normal visit, thinking everything was just fine and then in a second my whole world was upside down. One second I was excited and happy with my baby growing in me then the next I am being told that is not the case in fact my baby is dead. It is such a sad and unreal time. I cant even explain all of the emotions you experience in just a short amount of time. Talk about an emotional roller-coaster. Dealing with death is hard but it is harder with crazy pregnant lady hormones. I went out to the car and found my husband kneeled down on the ground on the phone with a friend from church praying and speaking life over our baby. I got in the car and cried some more. This whole time the name Michael keep coming into my head. I didn't understand it at the time but I just keep hearing Michael over and over. I thought that it could be God telling me that Michael the Archangel was warring against Satan for my baby. My husband got in the car and told me who he was speaking to and said that we cannot accept what we had just been told, that we needed to stand in faith believing that God was going to bring this baby back to life. (It happens that the friend from churches wife was pregnant with twins and doctors told her one was dead and they needed to do an emergency C-section to try and save the other one. The dead twin had been dead for three days. They took her in for the C-section and after delivering the dead twin gave him to the dad and he did not accept that he was dead. He prayed over him and spoke life over him and the baby came back to life. He had a hole in his heart and some of his internal tissues had started to decompose. They told them that they would not leave the hospital with that twin. They again didn't accept that and prayed against it. They ended up walking out of the hospital with both babies and they both are healthy and alive and are I believe 8 years old! God is so awesome!) I told my husband that I agreed with him and would stand in faith and agree that this baby was alive and was not going to die at the hand of satan. It was a lot to take in at the moment. I have never had to have faith for something like this before but I knew that we serve a God of miracles and that nothing is impossible for Him. If he wanted he could bring back Abraham and have him walking around alive even though he has been dead for thousands of years. So we came home and sat down and prayed over my stomach and spoke life into our child.
Mood: shocked
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