I was required to write a blog in a graduate course once. It was nothing more than a discussion board. This will be different. This is more of an open diary...or at least that's what I'm expecting. Life's expectations don't always pan out as we think they will though. In fact, that's why I'm here.
Seven months ago my wonderful, adorable, smart, and incredibly caring husband moved out of my life in every sense. We had celebrated our wedding anniversary. He told me how he loved me. It was bliss. We had an argument on that Sunday night. A misunderstanding actually. Nothing that I could have ever dreamed would lead to the destruction of our marriage and my life. The next day, I went to work and I bragged about him all day. I bragged about how sweet my husband was and I actually remember regretting having such a petty argument and I thought to myself how I knew I could go home and all would be well. That's what we did....if we argued we got over it quickly. Never, ever, in my worst nightmare could I have imagined coming home and instead finding a note from him stating that he had moved out. And worse, I never imagined that months later I would still be crying my heart out everyday and begging for a miracle.
You see, my wonderful, beautiful, Christian husband cut all communication from me that horrible day that he left. He has not spoken with me at all since the day before he just vanished from my life. I know what anyone who is reading this thinks right about now. They think I must have seen this coming. They think we must have constantly fought. They think this must have happened before or that he must have expressed his dire unhappiness to me. But none, I repeat, none, of that is true. This
could not have been more unexpected. It could not be more painful. It could not be more of an absolute nightmare. To love someone so dearly and believe in your future together but to have them just suddenly vanish.
To make it worse, it seems that he is not even happy. It seems that we are both losing. Of course, this is from what I hear from others. This has happened despite it being so unnecessary. We had so much love for one another and such a wonderful future that was being created for us. My life has been torn apart and twisted to shreds in every possible facet.
I know that this is a trial for us. I know our marriage is failing the trial terribly. I know that my husband is like Jonah. He keeps running. Satan has the stronghold on him. My beloved husband is letting the devil keep hold of him. So many people know this. But not the one who needs to.
My love for my husband has grown tremendously throughout this. I never believed in unconditional love or agape love between humans before this. Now I do. It would be easier if I didn't love him. But I do. I love him with every part of my soul and as I have increased my love for my Lord, the love I have for my husband increases with it. Why is God allowing this? I don't know. I pray to know the unsearchable things. But even more, I pray for this marriage to be saved. I pray that this divorce will not happen. I pray this will be a part of OUR testimony someday. I pray my husband will be broken down enough to come to The Lord and let Him save him. I pray for amazing grace.
I have changed tremendously throughout this. It has been a spiritual boot camp. Ironically, I have become the Christian wife that I could have been if I had a close personal relationship with Jesus before my husband left. I am now ready to be led by my husband. I am ready for us to become the three strands not easily broken. I pray God can get through to my husband and prepare him to be the husband he was meant to me. Is God preparing us to be the couple in Christ that He wants us to be? I don't know. That is to be determined.
In this blog, I will talk about the experiences I have had over these last few painful months. I will likely talk frankly and I will share my pain, my prayers, my hopes, and my heartbreak. I ask you pray for us as well. Pray for the lost sheep.
It seems like your pain has been your gain. God has used this nightmare as a catalyst to bring you closer to Himself, much more quickly than if you had been living a life of ease. your commitment to your husband is greater than with many wives who are in a stable marriage. store up the treasures you are receiving from God during this turbulent time. there will be many whom you can minister to when the sh-t hits their fan if God will call you out.
God keep you close to His loving heart......... it appears this is what's happening......:)