Just very recent, I went through something a lot of people have gone through but this nearly took my life away. I had just gotten out of this relationship, which I thought would last, to whom I thought was "the one." I gave everything I had, to someone who wouldn't even do the same. So why did I choose to be blinded by false love? You see before her, I was strong in faith, I was willing to make sacrifices to the Lord, but when she came along everything started to change slowly. I was going to church a lot less, I started seeing my friends and family less than usual, and I went back to old habits, especially to the ones I said I wouldn't go back to. I was just so in love with this girl and everything I did never seemed to be good enough. So right after the break up, I had felt that I lost my way. I didn't know who I was anymore, I just kept telling myself and hearing voices saying that "I'm not worthy" or "I'm not good enough." The next night came and all these sadness and darkness inside of me started to bury me with all this weight and I just coudn't take it anymore. I thought the only way to get rid of all of this was to end my life. I didn't succeed because God said to me that this isn't the way He had planned for me. I heard Him say that you are so much stronger than this, fight the good fight until I come for you. The Lord showed me that love was has already done everything for me to feel loved. He died for me and made sure I know that His love is truly unconditional. I know who I am now, I know that I am loved, I know that love does not need any searching because its always been right in front of me. God is love and no matter what His love will never change. His grace and mercy covers all my burdens and darkness. It covers all my flaws and sins. I'm writing this to let the rest of whatever sadness or negativity I have on this go. I know now that I have to love God before I can ever truly love another girl. Maybe then I wouldn't so blind.
Jacktrain, I'm so glad that you didn't choose to end your life. I tried to take my life, two weeks before I was healed. Under different circumstances, but this is what I've learned. What changes us isn't our love for him, our kind of love fails. No, what makes us stronger and wiser is His Love for us. You are truly starting on that path and it is commendable! Yet, still choose to focus and recieve His Love for you! I ask The Father to show me His Love everyday and He does. When I feel His Love for me, then I can truly share His Love with others and then I can love Him back stronger. Or another way to look at it, is when I feel His Love for me, then I spend more time with Him talking to Him, Praying for others and studying His Word