I recently turned 30 years old and although I know what I believe in my heart God wants me to do with my life, I have yet to take meaningful steps towards said end. For so long, I wasted time persuing selfish desires that almost cost me everything. For the last three years I've fought and continue to fight a battle against myself, and in a lot of ways, I see life very differently. Now, the reality is I fight old addictions and ways of living every day, and sometimes I lose. But, I am different. These past few montsh it would seem as if God is moving ahead in my life. It seems like the next step will provide the means of financial security and a source to pay off debt that stands in the way. I will soon have three children. I cannot keep surviving paycheck to paycheck and not make progress towards being able to be responsible financially for our future. In my intimate thoughts and prayers, the very cry of a small boy locked away deeply in my heart, is a voice that whispers with very little remaining strength, "God, I need a break". "I need grace; an opportunity to provide, to make it right".
The funny thing is, I think many opportunities pass us by on a daily, maybe a minute basis. I'm very thankful God doesn't replay all my missed opportunities, as it may very well be the end of me. I do know at the cener of those "missed opportunities" is me. I lacked the courage to take the risk; To step out in faith and live boldly. Often, I've hesitated, lost heart, and let it slip by. Reader, I stand at one of these moments, and oh how insanely combatted I am at this time. So many questions without answers, and there it is, doubt....how I hate doubt. It saps my strength and courage. It makes me weak. On top of it all Life has decided to up the pressure, and the enemy lurks behind unssuspecting sources. He whispers poisonus thoughts and seeks for another moment to pass me by. Honestly, it's working. If i were honest, I'm overwhelmed in the moment.
Today, I told my boss' boss' boss (that's pretty well above my pay grade) I was going to force him to promote me sooner than later. I don't know why I told him that; and heck, can I even do that? Was it cocky? arrogant? The reality is, I probably can't really effect the time table all that much. But My family need's this, and we need it soon. So, as we talked candidly I told him that. The thing is, there are several candidates, some of which are ahead of me on the pecking order so to speak. I do, however, think God is in this and is wantint to push me forward. I also feel that I can do this, and that I'm perfect for this job. But then there is the "when to push?" and "when to be patient?". How much urgency to I show? And there is the doubt, the enemy, and myself. God, I need the strenght and courage to act like a man, to make the right choices, to act with honor, and to take the right steps in this matter. I don't want another opportunity to pass me by. Most of all, I really could use your peace and strength as mine will not be enough. I really could use You right now.
Please know Derrick that the adversity of which you speak we realize is at work. It stands as an enormous obstacle. It doesn’t seem like it should even have to be there, and quite likely things could have worked out a hundred different ways better or worse, but apparently this is what God wants to use for the moment. He does allow us to be tested to add to our overall character.
It’s hard to say if that was “cocky” or “arrogant”. I’ve had employers in differing locals that would see it that way and some who would not at all, esp. in those “shoe-string” environments.
So when you said you need it “soon”, then you may not want to wait till you have to but get the external back-ups rolling along now. Whatever that may be.