Home >> Blogs >> Entry #11 of 12 Christian Teacher in First Nations Schools ~ Journey Toward Forgiveness

this user is offline now  june16randi
Send message

Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 64 Years

Country: Canada

Signup Date: 03/23/2013


August 2020
July 2020
June 2020
May 2020
April 2020
March 2020
February 2020
January 2020
December 2019
November 2019
October 2019
September 2019
August 2019
July 2019
June 2019
May 2019
April 2019
March 2019
February 2019
January 2019
December 2018
November 2018
October 2018
September 2018
August 2018
July 2018
June 2018
May 2018
April 2018
March 2018
February 2018
January 2018
December 2017
November 2017
October 2017
September 2017
August 2017
July 2017
June 2017
May 2017
April 2017
March 2017
February 2017
January 2017
December 2016
November 2016
October 2016
September 2016
August 2016
July 2016
June 2016
May 2016
April 2016
March 2016
February 2016
January 2016
December 2015
November 2015
October 2015
September 2015
August 2015
July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
January 2015
December 2014
November 2014
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
February 2014
January 2014
December 2013
November 2013
October 2013
September 2013
August 2013
July 2013
June 2013
May 2013
April 2013
March 2013

Who Gives Kudos:


12:33 PM   [09 Apr 2013 | Tuesday]

Entry #11 of 12 Christian Teacher in First Nations Schools ~ Journey Toward Forgiveness

 Saving Face ~ I'm going back into the Lions Den.  In 2003, I got on a plane and left that tiny Northwestern Indian Reserve, I'd never been so destroyed emotionally in my life.  But the kids buried a time capsule and I promised I'd return in 10 years to unearth it.

That year we left, I was accused of trying to steal resources ~ harassing the Kindergarten teachers for a set of books that didn't belong to me.  I remember the feelings of shock when J.W. told me that one.  

'They said you keep asking for books that aren't yours".


I told him exactly what the books looked like and how they were of great sentimental value to me and how I had brought them with me the two years previous when I first came on board to teach in that Kindergarten class.

J.W. went to investigate more, trying to reason with the same local teacher (see earlier blogs, Entry #4 and #5) all the while keeping in mind that this was the woman whose husband had already threatened me over the "yard duty' fiasco.

"No. Those books belong to the school.  They were here way before she came and we can prove it!"

J.W. brought me one book out of the set of the"proof".  Inside the front cover of one of my daughter's beautiful hardcover books on "character" no less! was the name of the school, the name of the class and the name of a teacher who taught that class a few years before I got there.

"OH MY GOD! This is SO evil!"

I began to tremble, then I had a spark of hope.

"I lent one.  J.W., I lent one.  That first year I got here I lent one of my books to the Grade One teacher on "Bullying".

Anticipation at foiling them in their lies coursed through me.  I sent him down to the Grade One class where I KNEW he'd find the book.  Sure enough, he came back with it, smiling.  He had it open to the inside front cover.   No school, class, or teacher information was there at all.

He looked at me with the wisest, kindest, penetrating gaze.

"Why don't you let this go?  We know how this ends don't we."

The next day he told me that he went back the Kindergarten class, handed them the "Bullying" title (hmmmmm quite the paradox) and simply said, "You forgot one. I believe you'll be needing this".  

He handed it to my accusers making sure they noticed the inside front cover.  

You know.

Upon reflection, I think the Lord planted the "Time Capsule" idea back in June of 2003.

Plans are all set.  We'll arrive at the "tent meetings" where we'll see all the folks we knew at church and then we'll head over to the old school grounds where with our former grade 3 students, now in their late teens, we will unearth the only innocence of those years.

I will be facing those kids again after 10 years.  What will they remember of me?  I know what I remember of myself  ~ a worn out, preoccupied, self-protective, self-absorbed, deeply bitter, confused and angry Christian who has many, many regrets.

I remember the nightmares I had during those days.  Wolves, ripping tearing at my chest.  The memory of the dream of the cute little cubs I saw and then the mother bear's eyes locked on mine make me wonder what the heck I'm doing going back up there!

The hurt still gnaws away at me when I allow myself to remember.  I don't like to remember.  I don't like what it feeds in me.   They told lies about me, deliberate fabrications. They ridiculed me.  They ignored me.  They used me.  I was told we could have brought them to court for slander and sued their kangaroo-court of a school evaluator lackey also.  

I remember the words of my doctor.

"I've seen more careers ruined up on those reserves."

So why am I going back?  What am I expecting?  Forgiveness?  Repentance?  Reconciliation?

I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't hoping for some closure and besides which,

I think this is God.


Mood: sad
- 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add comment 

Copyright © 2009 - 2012 True2ourselves. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission is prohibited.