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this user is offline now  Cephas04
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Gender: Male
Age: 37 Years

Country: United States

Signup Date: 04/06/2013


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12:34 PM   [06 Apr 2013 | Saturday]



       I fist thought it important to establish a reason for blogging. It's been a long and crazy 5 years. If you don't know me, my name is Derrick, and I am a thief, a liar, an addict that struggles with pornagraphy, and a very angry and hurt human being; but most importanly, I am forgiven. Almost 4 years ago I came to live in Austin, Tx under the most dire circumstances. My relationship with my beautiful wife was all but over, as was all my relationships. I had spent the better part of 5 years running from God, and what and who I was. A "Higher Power" had decided it was time to settle accounts. I found myself in a great recovery program and after a few weeks I decided it was not enough, and began to see a Christian counselor. 4 years later I find myself under control and very blessed. Sadly, If I were to die today, I'd die with a hear full of regret. I will be thirty in a month, and I know God has big plans for my family and I. Honestly, I am in the way. I have silly things that get in the way of God doing what He desires with my life. I have forgotten how I got here, and what it takes to remain. I am reminded of a passage in the Bible.


Joshua 7:

Now when all the nation had finished crossing the Jordan, the Lord spoke to Joshua, saying, 2 "Take for yourselves twelve men from the people, one man from each tribe, 3 and command them, saying, 'Take up for yourselves twelve stones from here out of the middle of the Jordan, from the place where the priests' feet are standing firm, and carry them over with you and lay them down in the lodging place where you will lodge tonight.' " 4 So Joshua called the twelve men whom he had appointed from the sons of Israel, one man from each tribe; 5 and Joshua said to them, "Cross again to the ark of the Lord your God into the middle of the Jordan, and each of you take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the sons of Israel. 6 "Let this be a sign among you, so that when your children ask later , saying, 'What do these stones mean to you?' 7 then you shall say to them, 'Because the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord; when it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off.' So these stones shall become a memorial to the sons of Israel forever."

It is important to remember. If not for the miraculous intervention of the Almighty and His overwelmign love and grace; if not for the unshakeable love of my wife; if not for the steady support of friends and family I would be lost. This is a memorial of all He has done and is doing in me, so that I can look back and remember where I was, who I was, and how I've gotten here, so that I may not lose sight of God's hand in my life.

    Today, I am reminded of Psalms 1:2 when the Bible states that a "Blessed man meditates on the Word day and night". Scary word right? I know it haunted me growing up and I thought "yuck". Looking back over my life when I felt closest to God, when I left a speaking engagement knowing God had taken over and spoken on my behalf, I see this verse ever present in those memories. I remember long drives home from college and God just turning over a verse and thoughts  over and over in my head and in my heart. I couldn't shake it; it was like a lick from a song that i couldn't stop from playing in my head. Even though I pushed ahead and entertained myself with other things, that verse continued to play in my thoughts. I realize now that in saying "meditate" this is what God desired. Not a verse of condemnation or of self reproach. No, we serve a God that desires for us to understand Him. I'm convinced that a lot of mistakes, and more to the point, a lot of the reason I avoid harmony in my relationship with God is because I do not understand Him; Who He is; what He desires or where His heart is. So today, I set my mind on Him, and I wait. The Bible paints a beautiful picture of God and how He does it ALL. So often in the past, when I decided to turn my heart to Him, I tried to clean up, clense my life, "prepare" myslelf, and I failed. Oh how I failed! The reality is I have no idea what He wants to do first. I do know He will meet me where I am. I don't run to Him, but He runs to me. So again, today I will wait. I'm reminded ot "I Will Wait" by Mumford and Sons.

Well, I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of dust
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun

But I'll kneel down,
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down,
Know my ground

And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So break my step
And relent
Well, you forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way shake the excess

'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

Now I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
A tethered mind freed from the lies

And I'll kneel down,
Wait for now
I'll kneel down,
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow

'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

No rush God. Come to me and do what You desire. Remind me of your great Love. Fill my life with you and remind me of who I am and what I was created to be.

Mood: determined
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