Love shines brightest when it’s freely given in times when it’s hardest to give; and those times when it’s hardest to give are those times when the “self” and its agenda get in the way. For me this is very often the case.
I, in my usual critical and judgmental mode, value highly the instances of instinctive spontaneous acts of love that I see in others – acts very much devoid of “self.” The reason I admire the purity of such acts in others is because I so desire to be like that myself, but I see this as a deficiency in me. I have a difficult time finding in myself acts that are devoid of my “self” and its agenda. I am a “planner” and one who looks ahead and, as such, my self is given a foundation on which to be grounded; and this, in turn, denies spontaneity. My love does not shine so bright because it is planned for and/or designed.
If love imbued every fiber of my being the way “self” does two things would happen: first, my self would withdraw, and second, I would love with the love of God. I recognize this. I know this to be true. I even want this. So, what’s my problem? Why, in the times that it’s hardest to give, does my love not shine? I’d have to say that it’s because, at such times, I think first of my own comfort, my own advantage, my own profit, and my own agenda rather than others. The scary thing is that it comes so naturally. It gives me no pause. Giving time, which I am so inclined to hoard for myself, by just saying “yes” is a practice unnatural to my “planner” self but one that is the paramount key to letting love shine through.