Entry #3 Christian Teacher in First Nations Schools Journey toward Forgiveness
Saving Face ~ Entry #3
Benjamin Franklin said, "There are three things extremely hard; steel, a diamond, and to know oneself."
It's hard to look in the mirror, especially when we don't like what we see. Finally, I feel ready to write what has been on my heart for ten years now.
If I would have written it the way I had first envisioned, I think the entire text would have smacked of bitterness and resentment. My writing didn't have the "fragrance" I wanted. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted. I just knew I wanted it to be honest.
After our school had hosted a consultant regarding the problem of FASD (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorder), the lights came on, compassion was stirred and OH! GET THIS!
I had "lost" my memory stick with all my notes! Every heartache, every joy, every frustration over the last 12 years GONE...then after a prayer, "God, if this is important", please find it. FOUND! Seriously, that thing was lost for months. I could not find it ANYWHERE. I was even beginning to think that I was losing it. "Nobody wants to read your rantings" slipped into my mind each time I thought of it. It's God's way of saying. Forget it.
Anyway, a really super guy who passionately advocates for caregivers and people with FASD has a website devoted to the subject. He recently visited the First Nation where I work. One night as my husband and I and two other consultants were chatting with Jeff, I started to rant. I began to share how frustrated and downright perplexed I've been over the years. I was really honest as I screamed out the one phrase that summed up my bewilderment all these years about my experiences in these Northern communities with these people...my husband's people...and now my people.
"Who ACTS like that!!!!???" Who THINKS like that!!!!???
Jeff looked at me and smiled.
sorry, by the way, FLAMING RED text?? er....can't get rid of that. sigh* I've got other gifts and computers aren't it. Thanx for listening, though. :)