You ever have that feeling? Like you're being pulled towards something, but you're not exactly sure what? At the risk of sounding grandiose, that feeling that you're meant for something more? That feeling has been gnawing away at the back of my mind and the pit of my stomach for years now. It's chased me through grade school, into high school, followed my from my teenage years into adulthood, and is constantly breathing down my neck even today. It's not suffocating, mind you, not choking me of happiness or purpose. In fact I live a very happy life. Married, employed, healthy. I couldn't ask for anything else, honestly. But that feeling, there's no denying it.
The thing I'm feel I'm being drawn to is a life where I use my gift. The gift of writing. I've been told my whole life that the way I put word to paper is unique. From my father, to my high school English teacher, to my boss at one of my first jobs, to my wife, there always been someone encouraging me to write. And that feeling, that nagging, constant, whisper in my ear since 5th grade has been telling me the same thing; write. Something. A book, a screenplay, a song, anything. But it hasn't been until recently that that feeling has gotten overwhelming. It used to rise up after reading a good book, and thinking, man I could do that. Or seeing a good movie and feeling wow, I should do something like that. But now it's daily. Everything I do, every moment I'm conscious, I'm seeing things to write about. I'm running movie scenes through my head. I'm picturing music lyrics. The creative desire I feel is becoming impossible to ignore.
Now, I am not naive to the hardships of creating something all on your own. I know that actually penning a book or scripting a movie takes years and years of practice and schooling and writing and rewriting and writing for the third time. I have no experiece in the field, outside of a few essays for school and a loose leaf notebook filled with adolescent poems and half finished opening chapters to novels. I have no schooling beyond a high school level, and even that didn't teach me to really hone my skill. So i am the very definition of an amateur writer. I really don't know if I have the intellect, the patience, or the ability to actually complete a work of literature. I am also not so vain to think that, even if by some miracle I could write something, it would be anything special. I know full well I'm not the next Nathaniel Hawthorne. I couldn't do what Matt Damon and Ben Affleck did. I don't have the lyrical capacity of an Eddie Vedder. But I do know I have a voice. I have relevant things to say, and I believe there are people who want to hear them. So that's what this is. An attempt to get that voice out there. An attempt to find out who that someone that wants to listen is. An attempt to quell this ever swelling feeling inside me. That feeling that I am beginning to realize may not be just a feeling. It may not just be my desire, my longing, my dream. It might be God's desire for me. It might just be my calling.
Well, I just read this. Feeling exactly the same, actually. I thought it rather timely that I should just browse through the blogs after posting some photos on my profile. So glad you wrote this! You do write very well. I understood exactly that "something" is wanting to be expressed. I love to pray for people and I will pray for you, my brother.
Today is my first day. I just signed up. I did it because I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't say the things I want to say....there's nobody, other than my husband who understands that there is nobody to tell this stuff to.
I'm working in a First Nations community in Canada. After 12 years in the...seriously...really, THE GREAT WHITE NORTH, I feel all the bitterness, anger and wrath leaving and finally the fragrance of compassion beginning to permeate my thoughts.
I think you should write. I think I should write. So, after I read your blog, I thought...there it is..."Chris Wilson" the first entry blog on the list. Interesting title...Lord? Are you speaking?
And...yup! He did! Thank you tons and tons for this, Chris. So, I'll pray now: Lord, won't You grant Chris the desire of his heart. God, please bless him. Jesus, thank You so much for speaking to me. Encourage your son, I pray. Show him the "steps". 1 - 2 - 3.....and give him the courage to just take one at a time. In Jesus name. AMEN!
Thank you, Ronda, for reading and for the prayers. I'm glad you were moved and inspired by the post, but I can't take credit for those feelings. It truly is the Lord working through me. I've read the 3 posts that you have put up as well, and you seem to be telling a very interesting and compelling story, and look forward to reading more.