My fiance and I have been arguing a lot lately, way more than is normal for us. Some of that has to do with us trying to fight the battle of nicotine addiction and I think part of that has to do with my excessive need for attention. I got so frustrated with him today as I was expressing my urge for a cigarette and all he could say was I know, nobody said it was easy. This coming from the man who just two days ago said look we need to do this together because each of us trying to win this battle individually isn’t working. Okay so you mean to tell me that he couldn’t have said your doing a good job, I’m proud of how far you’ve gotten or even a simple you can do it?? Let me preempt this by saying the man is sick today, and yes I get that but it doesn’t take a force of nature to speak just 4 little words. So since that moment we have endured a big blow up and I went outside while he went to the room. My journey to my front lawn could have not been a better idea, here is how it went down:
So I am sitting in a lawn chair out in my front yard fuming, like most women my first reaction is to cuss and fuss silently about what my man’s problem is. Why cant he do that and why couldnt he have done this. Then I started talking to God. The dialogue went from God why does he have to be like this to God what is wrong with me. Then the most divine thing happened, a shadow walked up beside me and I felt such a loving presence that I began to well up with tears. I think that was God telling me that first I figured out the right question I needed to ask and second he was reminding me that he is with me on this journey.
So here is my conclusion; I should not be asking what is wrong with my fiance I should be asking what is wrong with me. See I cant fix him out right but by fixing me I can. If I have the attitude that I am the one that needs the adjustment and I am the one that needs to be fixed than I am solving the first problem of any argument I stop pointing fingers at him and I take a look at myself. So what are my problems, what is wrong with me? What can I do to fix me so my relationship can mend?
The bible states that we as women are to submit to our men. What does that mean? It means we are to yield in love to our men. In other words we need to put our own interests aside and put our mans ahead. Yup problem number one I do not do that enough. Take tonight for instance. I saw my need for encouragement, I saw my need for attention. What I should have seen was that my fiance has done just as good today as I have with fighting the urge to smoke, in fact he has honestly done better because he had access to the little money we have I didnt. So at any moment he could have given in to temptation and bought a pack, but he didnt. I should have seen that he was sick and that his silence was just a result of that. Too many times I see what I need before I see what he needs and babe I am sorry for that. So what should I have done differently? I should have offered words of encouragement to him and I definately should have told him how proud of him I was that he did not come home with a pack today. Instead my dumb self said nothing and assumed he knew. Ladies there is nothing you can do more for your spouse than tell them each and every day how much you appreciate them and how proud of them you are. Boost your mans ego, when they feel loved so will you.
Another point our Bible makes is that we are to respect our men. I dont just mean be kind and considerate ladies, I mean show him the love he deserves! If I respected my fiance I would be willing to listen more and shout less, I would do more and ask for less. So get up and make him that morning cup of coffee and sit and talk to him, listen to his interestes, his concerns and his feelings and have enough respect for him to hear what he is saying. Listening is a fine thing to do but when we hear what the other is saying that is what reaches our hearts.
I need to make a better effort to care for my man. I honestly put way too much stuff off because I am so not motivated but by neglecting those things like making a real meal for dinner, cleaning the house, and showing interest in the things I know he enjoys I am ultimately neglecting the needs of my spouse and that is not really showing him how much I love him.
Here is what I do know;
Babe I love you with all my heart and soul and I am sorry that I do not show it often enough. You have been there for me through thick and thin and I should remember that and put your needs ahead of mine. You are my world, I say that often, but just like mother nature and our planet if I do not take the time to give my world the attention it needs than it will cease to exist. Slowly its spirits will dwindle and there will be no more world. I dont want our relationship to dwindle and I vow to give it more attention and put our needs ahead of only mine. Babe I hope you know what you mean to me and I hope you can forgive my selfishness and lack of thought, thank you for being my inspiration, not just tonight but every night, without you I would not be where I am today.
Well everyone I hope you get something out of the lesson that I learned today. My advice to those of you whoms relationships are faulty and on rocky ground? Stop trying to change your spouse and change yourself. Once your motive is turned around there will be light at the end of the tunnel. So today and from now on instead of relying on your spouse to be your light and your inspiration become theirs. Lastly remember to involve God in your relationship because with him all things are possible.