Letters to Jesus (Recognizing What's Important)-14
I have a tendency toward impatience and a proclivity for being a “controller.” My confessor thinks I should work harder on humility. How can you be humble when you know you’re right? – and that’s the problem! Very often I honestly believe that I not only know what is right but also that I know what is best – especially for the people I love most.
For one such as me it requires great and lengthy reflection to realize that my “right,” and my “best,” may seem very logical and straightforward to me but not to the way another may think. This all plays out most prominently in the relationship between me and my wife. I maintain in my own mind what I regard as a firm commitment to what I consider the responsibility of my marriage vows – at least my interpretation of them. In our autumn years together my wife is a person plagued with all kinds of physical and emotional health problems. These discomforts and disabilities are met by me in what she considers an over-solicitous, overbearing manner that smothers her independence. If, out of my love for her, I constantly look after her, advise her, and do things for her, it is because I think I am right and am doing what I think is best. It, to me, is a way of showing my love for her. But it quite often seems she does not regard it that way; and maybe she’s right.
Maybe to practice being less controlling and more humble I should realize that at this stage of our lives together what she needs is for me to “back-off.” She takes a lot of different medications and I often wonder what effects they all have on her when they’re all mixed together; but using that as a rationalization for being more controlling is not the path toward humility.