| | Chastisement & Chasten my testimony
My story begins with my parents as a young boy, at the age of three, please be kind, if what to know if the father, is angry he not, this story is his story, I am the Prodigal Son.
Please bear with me for I am very overwhelmed with sorrow, and what is happening with any family, is very painful and powerful and personal, but also with some gladness as well.
Learn to appreciate others
My story or my testimony is a Very, very long journey; I do not know how to begin.
At that time my life took a dramatic change, at that age I almost lost my life, I donít know all of the detail; some parts of my memory are lost.
At the age of three years old I was either thrown out the window or unsupervised by my father, since those days my life changed dramatically, which leads to separation from all of my family, as I grew older my father began to drink there was little love, it changed my brothers and sisters at the age of eleven to the age of sixteen.
My father abused me very bad and my family as well.
I was very afraid of my father at a young age. Not having a loving father as any normal family. As the buildup of abuses and also with all that has happened I began to fall into sin.
From my father experience, a person can go many ways.
If there no loves a person withdrawal from society, but become non-social, and all that happens to me I A.D.H.D. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder at that time, my parents didnít know about this Disorder, neither the doctors at that time, the technology and medicine were not available at that time.
At the age of sixteen, I could not take the abuses but also the fear I had with my father.
My father weakened my character so much, that at I could not function in school or in life.
At the age of sixteen, I confronted my father and had a cost of being cast out of my family, I guess itís like being exiled never to return to my home.
I had to leave my family because of all the bad things that he did to me and my brothers and sisters. I was born in Utica NY but was raised in South Bronx.
From all that time IĎve wondered and lost eight years, it was like time stood still for me, wondering, looking for answers to my life. In between those years, I lost two brothers; one from Aids at age of 27, and other at 32 from HIV.
My father and mother got the divorce, my brothers and sisters got separated and went their own ways but also with emotional problems as Iíve shown you in my life with my father.
My father died at the age of 53; his habit became his death, but with that, he did to me I forgave him before he passed away.
In between all of what has happened in my life, I found the time for a family of my own, but just as I had many problems in my youth, I had also in my marriage.
things started feeling a little better, I had very little education, but with a new family, things started to get a little better. In all my life I had never picked up a bible, and in my youth, I found my way into a church but never understood religion. I was totally lost in what was a god or any god.
Why do I give you a little of my life history? So I hope that you can give me some answer or understanding of what is happening a little after of my life problems which at the age 25 is when strange spiritual things started very strange dreams, Please bear with me for I am looking for the answer for what am I experiencing.
One of my families was trying to get me closer to Christ, but not knowing I am living as a gentile
I already didnít know much but always had an urge to do good but always found myself falling into sin, but even that I was lost as well. Days went by, weeks went by, and months went by until things again started to go down for me again, if didnít know any better I felt I was being watched.
This was very overwhelming so much I didnít understand because it was spiritual, I went back to my older family member, the one that trying to get me closer to Christ, to help me in what was ever happening to me, was very powerful, that this would bring me down to my Keens.
One day in the morning I took my daughter to school, and my wife went to work, I had no job because I had to take care of my daughter and very old grandparents for five years, I became mother and father to my family.
That summer time I felt a weight upon me, this weight was a force that overthrew me.
I cried every morning, no one to confess.
This burden that I have was much greater than me. It was like spiritual burning.
Then that morning I went to see my cousin to ask him for help, and he prays for me that morning.
I went back home and lock myself in my apartment, this was about 9: 30 a.m. in the morning I put on a Christian radio and I was dying inside of me.
This burden that I have was much, much greater, every morning.
I would put on the Christian radio and cry out to God.
I just have no strength I asked God to please release me, for my body was in flame, waves, and waves of burning in my soul and my heart and in my mind.
Please God release me from this burden, I am so sorry, I did not know, I still remember those days and all of my sins.
Then I saw a vision of being chastised and a vision of a warrior and ancient people. It was about 10: 00 a.m. in that morning my burden it continues for while, as I look out the window I saw visions of ancient people chastising me, I was still in my sins.
I fell down on my feet I could not move, I cried out, please take this burden from me, it continued, I was like in the center of a great storm, every morning at 9: 30 am it just kept going, I started to confess my sin again.
All of my sins, but it would not let me go.
I had to confess all of the sins, even my secret ones, I was chastised over and over and over, until for three days and nights there, straight. I was stripped down, all of my manhood, I almost lost my daughter, three time, I could not sleep, I prayed every day, I continue to confess to all of the sins, All! of my sins, even those secret ones, until I surrender completely to God, UNTIL the Spirit of God was satisfied, it was the most darkest days of my life, those months my Heart, could not take the harsh ship of all of my sins against God, I kept seeing visions, they always happen early, early in the morning, there was no life in me to give, Just my soul to the Spirit of God. I have sinned against God the Father.
Finally the Spirit of God the Father answered my prayer, He had given mercy upon me, and given me Grace. Who could I tell, who would believe me?
Isaiah 53: 5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
Hebrews 12: 3 - 11 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.
You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.
And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: "My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;
For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives."
If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten?
But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons.
Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live?
For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness.
Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Looked desperately up into the heavens crying to my father I am Sorry Abba, Father for Hope, in today I cannot sleep, trying to sleep its hard, just trying to read the bible hoping, crying almost every day, for the love of my father.
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