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True2Ourselves Forums   > Community Topics > Sexual Morality  > Help to fight my homosexuality

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Old 07-11-2012, 08:50 PM
Alexander's Avatar
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Question Help to fight my homosexuality

Dear forum members,

I dare writing you regarding a severe problem that I confront since many years, and I would appreciate enormously any advice and answers. My name is Alex, I am a 27 years old man, and my grief is that I am confronted with the issue of homosexuality. I have never allowed myself to have any homosexual relationship of any type, because I've always considered this way of life as being wrong, especially basing on the fact that I am a practicing Christian. I haven't had a heterosexual physical relationship of any kind either, although now I am married. I am also aware of the issue of not calling oneself a homosexual or gay if one is not actively practicing this lifestyle.

My parents, although not being practicing Christians, have made it clear on different occasions (gay parades or movies) that they are disgusted and against the issue of homosexuality and I've never told them about my own issue of same sex attraction.

I began to be aware of homosexuality around the age of 13, although even before this age I was attracted to the same sex, but without conceptualizing them at a theoretical level. In my family nobody ever discussed any sexual issues of any sort, therefore until I found out what homosexuality was, I didn’t even know that my attraction towards the same sex was abnormal in any way.

One of the ways in which I acknowledged that I am different, and also being perceived as different by all others, was when my school colleagues have began drawing my attention, most of the times in a very mocking way that I had a weird and feminine way of walking, that I am talking different than boys and more alike girls, and that my way of gesturing is, again, improper to boys on every aspect. There were other aspects as my lack of interest in sports (by the way I still find football as very boring), or the fact that I was never swearing and other differences, more or less relevant for defining authentic masculinity.

As a possible reason for my homosexuality is never getting close and bonding with my father, an aspect which was true for both me and my older brother who, by the way, is heterosexual. This issue has different causes and though I am convinced that our father loves us very much in his own way, unfortunately he was always a cold, tough, impulsive man, very little able of affective communication. Also, when I was a child, my mother had problems with physical violence outbursts from my father, when he was hitting her, several times while she was holding me in her arms, and after such incidents I was more and more estranged from my father. Although he wasn’t violent to me on the whole, still there were a couple of physical (not to mention verbal) violence, and many times I feared my father.

On the other hand, both my brother and, especially, me, had a very close relationship with our mother on every level: communication, closeness, trust, feelings. Being a very loving, warm, mild, meek and conciliatory personality, she gave (and received) me and my brother almost all affection that my father was incapable of giving. We were never able of approaching our father, in fact we never even called him father, but called him on his name only.

Also regarding the possible causes of homosexuality, according to some scientific studies, would be the fact that after six weeks of conception, the male foetus must receive a massive dose of testosterone to form the testicles, ***** and other physical male characteristics, and then yet another dose that modifies the brain structure from a feminine (which is the main phase of every foetus) to a masculine one. When the quantity of testosterone is blocked due to various medical reasons like disease etc, then the male foetus will form the testicles and *****, however the part of shifting the brain-pattern into a male one will not be achieved, which will result in effeminate tendencies and predisposition to homosexuality, which will be usually enhanced in the child’s life. Also, there are “feminine” or “masculine” brain structures and processes (the feminine side related to communication abilities, emotional intelligence, indirect way of tackling things and challenges etc, and the masculine side related to exact sciences abilities, logical intelligence, direct way of acting and talking, spacial orientation etc ). According to the studies, it’s typical for homosexuals to be inclined a lot towards the feminine way of thinking, behaviour and inclinations, which applies to me (eg: I’ve always communicated very well, in school I was talented at the humanistic sciences like languages, and been terrible to maths, I’ve never had initiative and was never able to speak in a straight and direct way, was never able to take the lead and I was even always terrible at spacial orientation). Obviously, there are men who are good at communicating and work in human relations or nursing, and women who are good at exact sciences and working as engineers or plane pilots, but they are not defining for the basic patterns which remain true.

Another disturbing fact intersex in humans, that is persons that are born having both masculine and feminine genital organs from their birth – how are those supposed to fit into a healthy and biblical plan and pattern of sexual identity? Also, a very disturbing thought is the fact that there are clear studies of hundreds of animal species that have homosexual behaviour from courting, mating, bonding etc (from swans, penguins, vultures, pigeons, and lizards and insects, to lions, elephants, giraffes, monkeys, sheep, hyenas and dolphins).

And as much as the studies would be accused of “bias and promoting a gay agenda", we can't always be duplicitous by denying scientific evidence when it contradicts our wishes or convictions, while still accepting science as the viable basis for many relevant areas from technology and medicine to the need of proofs to substantiate opinions or legal trials.

A good part of my grief over this problem of homosexuality was the fact that I never chose it, I never wanted it and still, here I am, condemned and stigmatised to a condition that disqualifies me on the spot in so many people's eyes.

I have loved a man for several years, he was a teacher in University, and, as I was suffering a lot from this, I decided to confess my feelings to him, although I knew that he was definitely heterosexual. He treated the whole issue elegantly, we remained in good relations, although his message was one from the secular position: I should stop fighting against myself and accept myself as I am.

Also during University, I met a girl who, in time, confessed that she loves me from all her heart, and, although I told her the whole truth regarding my issue, despite her enormous discouragement and pain, we both decided not to end our beautiful friendship, which evolved a lot during several years. She never stopped loving me and fighting and hoping that we will remain together. And, as some years of beautiful friendship and closeness have passed, after we graduated, we decided to get married, as we both had deep feelings for each other, we both had faith that God would change me and will bless our decision. My wife loved my soul, personality and body, while I loved only her soul and personality.

We had to realistically discuss all the obstacles put by my problem. I told my future wife that all I can promise is that I will love her, but I cannot guarantee that the physical aspect of our relationship will be solved, and that we have to accept the risk, which she did. We married and, after a good time since our marriage, we tried to consume the "nuptial act" for the first time, which was impossible (being unattracted to the female body, I cannot have an erection long enough for penetration, not to mention a complete intercourse). Till nowadays we tried having sex only 3 times, and it was never possible, considering the fact that, from a physical point of view, the sexual act (and even kissing) is not attractive for me, and in some regards even repulsive. My wife has a strong desire of a normal relationship and she suffers because of the lack of it, and I cannot blame her at all in this regard.

Now, after 3 years of marriage, I still hope that God will change me in this regard, listening to my countless prayers about this, however the chances seem a lot dimmer. I don't even want to write about the many days when I am almost depressed about the inability to change something that for the majority is already inborn and fine. I am not writing about the moments when, while searching the news or anything, I come across an image of a man and I feel suddenly attracted towards him and, no matter how much I try to forget and avoid it, I still find myself drawn to him in the same way as heterosexual people are attracted to the opposite sex.

I'm also wondering if what I feel for my wife is whole love, since I've never felt for her (or for any woman) those violent, ravishing and intoxicating feelings that I felt for men, and no matter how much I try to tell me (in a Christian balanced view, partly true) that love is mainly a decision and it's not only dependent on feelings still, in all history since Solomon's Song of Song onwards, love has been described as ravishing, powerful, intoxicating, bold and extremely strong in feelings, and also involving physical attraction.

My question for you is: What shall I do? What can I do in my situation? Except for prayer which I am doing ever since.

I know that both Scripture and the apostolic tradition of the Church condemn all forms of sexual sin and unfaithfulness. So I know the usual answer "not just active homosexuals sin, but every man and woman having relationships before or outside marriage". However, the main issue is that, as long as they live a chaste love within marriage, heterosexuals can have healthy love relationships, whereas for homosexuals the ONLY option is complete abstinence (whether called for this or not) and continual denial of one's feelings. And regarding possibility of change I've read research from both scientific and Christian backgrounds, I read the posts of an online group for Christians fighting homosexuality, some for decades, and all they achieved was refraining their feelings and exerting emotional control, but rarely having change in their homosexuality.

In the UK, the whole scientific and medical community considers reparative therapy in this regard as ineffective, impossible and unachievable. I would be considered weird, even crazy, for trying to change my homosexuality (only at work , for example, 5 people are gay/lesbians, engaged in the lifestyle and even married), or for seeing it as disordered (as the Church sees it), not to mention Paul's words in Romans 1:26-27 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 or, even worse, Moses in Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13. So in this context, what to do, except for prayer which I do since a decade without any real result?

Paul says that "To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." 1 Corinthians 7:8-9. For a heterosexual man or woman this advice is viable and possible, as they have to choose between abstinence and marriage (sex outside or before marriage being sin). Whereas for me, because of my homosexuality, I cannot actually have physical love, as I cannot do it even if married, therefore from Paul's advice, only complete abstinence remains. And in my case, I do not have this calling to abstinence since trying to achieve it in the last 11 years failed miserably, as I sin by impure thoughts and masturbation which are both harshly condemned by Scripture and Church. So my only remaining biblical option is actually "burning with passion" endlessly.

Paul also advises: "Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." 1 Corinthians 7:5. , so even if temptation can come from abstinence, I am still bound to it as the only possibility, not to mention that because of the sexual urge, I fail even in abstinence, and, no matter how hard I tried to fight masturbation, I fall every several weeks because of the sexual urge, therefore sinning even more. But what other option do I have?

How come that although God says that homosexuality is wrong and sinful, and He still doesn't deliver myself from it? It is so easy for heterosexual persons to speak to me wisely about "everybody having their own struggles and crosses to bear", while them are free to choose either abstinence by remaining single or marriage, than burning with passion as homosexual persons are bound to do. And who can live like this, by ignoring completely any sexual urges for decades?

This only confirms to me the frightening Calvinistic predestination approach that I've always wanted to disagree, that "God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction" Romans 9:22, and "He has mercy on whomever he wills, and he hardens whomever he wills." Romans 9:18, and "And not only so, but also when Rebekah had conceived children by one man, our forefather Isaac, though they were not yet born and had done nothing either good or bad” Romans 9:10.

I pray to God to show me the way. I've never liked to bargain with God, and never did this, but in my same-sex-attraction issue I really want to see some changes. I bargained in my prayer recently and asked God to heal me if He says homosexuality is wrong, I really need the physical, emotional and spiritual means to change. I know that building healthy relationships with people of the same sex is a core issue for healing according to many people, however I really know of nor men that are willing to build friendships that have to do with more than football or going to pubs which, first, are completely unappealing for me and, second, I don’t see how they would help me change. Not to mention that my way of being puts men off usually from accepting me.

So my questions is: what should I do (or what would you do), practically, in my situation, except for prayer? I wrote all these in the hope that God might send me any sign or advice through any means that He wishes, and if there is no change, I’ll take it as a No from Him regarding myself and my marriage, as without change it would just result in sadness and emotional wounds. I've always tried to run after God, asking a sign of His will for me, and entrusting my whole life in His hands. God bless you for your patience to read this and I would be extremely grateful for any answer or advice.

Respectfully, Alex.
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Old 07-11-2012, 09:49 PM
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Default Re: Help to fight my homosexuality

Alex,

I don't have time to read your whole post, but I skimmed some of it... without getting into details, I think I would give you the same advice I would give a married man that finds himself desiring other women i.e. don't let your hormones cause you to sin.

I know a woman who was married to a man that had an awful car accident that left him paralyzed from the neck down... for decades, she stayed faithful to him - cared for him... this is the right thing to do - not to leave him because she is no longer attracted to him.

There are people that find themselves in all kinds of difficult situations and the advice is the same - don't sin. Being born gay (if that's a real thing) would be a difficult burden... but there are worse things (kids born with cancer or blindness, etc etc for example).

My advice is to be faithful to your wife "until death do you part" and don't allow your hormones to guide your actions.

Last edited by Mark : 07-12-2012 at 03:17 PM.
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Old 07-12-2012, 06:03 AM
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Default Re: Help to fight my homosexuality

Thank you for your answer, sorry for the length of the post, I've just realized how long it is after I've posted it.
I know the way expected by God would be faithfulness, I just don't understand why doesn't He change me if He expects me to live according to His standards. Also, the married person desiring another person outside marriage can still fulfill their need in marriage, they have a real choice, but the homosexual person cannot at all, this is the difference.
Obviously, there are difficult situations created by accidents or other contexts, but I cannot generalize on these, especially when we speak about homosexuality which is either inborn or formed in the early years.
Thank you once again, Alex.

Last edited by Alexander : 07-12-2012 at 07:02 AM.
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Old 07-12-2012, 07:00 AM
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Default Re: Help to fight my homosexuality

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexander View Post
.......I dare writing you regarding a severe problem that I confront since many years, and I would appreciate enormously any advice and answers. My name is Alex, I am a 27 years old man, and my grief is that I am confronted with the issue of homosexuality. I have never allowed myself to have any homosexual relationship of any type, because I've always considered this way of life as being wrong, especially basing on the fact that I am a practicing Christian. I haven't had a heterosexual physical relationship of any kind either, although now I am married. I am also aware of the issue of not calling oneself a homosexual or gay if one is not actively practicing this lifestyle........
You have an excellent attitude my friend. All people suffer from some disorder or another: Some are alcoholics, some are over-eaters, some are gamblers, some are sexoholics, some get a rush off of extreme danger, etc. etc.

These people are not bad people, they just have a disorder that they need to recognize and deal with. The fact that you recognize your issue and are not in denial about it is very good. You are correct: Homosexual behavior IS wrong, but just being a homosexual does not make you bad.

Here is a brief tract you might read: Homosexuality

There are also ministries that are helpful. Here is one example: Courage Home Page

You will hear many people from all corners of society tell you there is nothing wrong with the gay lifestyle. They are wrong. You are correct to try to deal with this issue. God gives us all difficulties to deal with and crosses to bear. Yours is a difficult one: I wish you the best with it.
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Old 07-12-2012, 09:01 AM
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Default Re: Help to fight my homosexuality

First, I would like to tell you that nothing will happen against your will so if you do not have a homosexual encounter then it is because you have set your will against it.

Secondly, I would like you to know you have alot of information but not all of it is true.
And in order to understand what you are dealing with you have to atleast start with the truth.

The third thing I want to tell you is a situation which may help open your eyes to some of the things God would have you know.
There are unclean spirits which follow people and enter people (not their spirit but their flesh) when a door is opened (willful sin)
Some years ago I had a neighbor boy who was in my yard and the other kids were teasing him about being a sissy. He wasn't effeminate but there was a spirit which followed him and it was that unclean spirit they were reacting to. I prayed against that spirit and that spirit wanted to enter him and had it entered him he would have been tormented until he "fed" that spirit by performing homosexual acts.

Unfortunately for children of unbelievers who shall keep them covered in prayers against the evil which surrounds us daily? God has to raise up people to pray for these children but even children can set their will toward good.

Evil spirits lie, satan is their master and he is the father of lies so discerning between true and lie is critical. I do not know why people are called "homosexual" when the noun describes a behavior not a person. So you are an adult man who is "fighting to overcome the world". I support you and will pray God greatly strengthen you.

It is possible to shut down the "voice" that tells you that you are gay and you should just accept it. You take every thought captive to the Holy spirit and reject anything not of the Lord Jesus.
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Old 07-12-2012, 10:10 AM
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Default Re: Help to fight my homosexuality

Alex,

First of all, thank you for your openness, and well done for not giving in to a lifestyle that you know is sinful in God's eyes. As CC says, your attitude is commendable.

I am no expert on these matters, and there may be specialist ministries that can support you and provide advice - for you and your wife as well. If it is any help, I can say from experience that it is possible to have a blessed marriage that doesn't have sexual activity in it. Although it is slightly different from yours, in that my wife and I are both heterosexual by inclination, there are reasons (that I'd prefer not to elaborate on) why our marriage has become the way it is. Sometimes the lack of sex has been a struggle, I have to be honest, but despite that we are happily married, now in our 14th year. It's got easier as time has gone on, and it hasn't affected our love for each other.

One other point, as I need to get away - you said:

"I'm also wondering if what I feel for my wife is whole love".

It sounds like it is to me. True love is able to go beyond physical expressions, and in doing so, maybe it mirrors even more perfectly God's love for his people.
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Old 07-12-2012, 02:30 PM
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Default Re: Help to fight my homosexuality

Hie Alex

I have read every word in your post.I believe by sharing your problem with members of true2ourselves, your problem is already solved.God bless you for being true to yourself.

In your post, you seem to have lost hope that God will ever set you free from 'homosexuality.' I would like to assure you that God is on your side.Nothing is impossible with God.Homosexuality is just one of the many problems God is dealing with.Jesus is seated far above all principality,power and dominion.God has placed all things under the feet of Jesus.Homosexuality is one of such things.

You say you are looking for solutions to your problem 'except for prayer.'In your opinion,prayer has not achieved desirable results.I still suggest praying as one of the solutions to your problem.There is no substitute for prayer.From now onwards pray more than never before.Pray without ceasing.I do not suggest that you should always be praying for God to deliver you from homosexuality.I rather suggest a stronger prayerful life.Prayer invites the presence of God upon our lives.It is this presence of God that deals with our problems.

I also suggest that you devote yourself to the reading of the word of God.You should think, eat and drink the word of God until it becomes part of every cell of your body.The word of God is quick,powerful and sharper than any two edged sword.No problem can escape the word of God.

You must also refuse to believe that your problem is inborn.This is a lie from the pit of hell propagated by homosexuals.Do not subscribe to the so -called scientific explanation of homosexuality.If we are to call a spade by its name, homosexuality is demonic.It is a spiritual problem that can only be solved spiritually.

The problem of same sex attraction in your life has given birth to another problem of masturbation.You should deal with this problem immediately.It is this problem of masturbation that nurses feelings of homosexuality in your life.The next time you have an urge to masturbate,go for the word of God.Say loudly to yourself that you are the temple of the Holy Spirit and not masturbation!Do not create any fertile ground for masturbation and homosexuality.

Finally,count on the grace of God to deliver you from your problem.Your own efforts CANNOT!Unspeakable joy will soon walk into your marriage as homosexuality walks out of it.God bless you.

Last edited by mcmo : 07-13-2012 at 01:29 AM.
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Old 07-13-2012, 05:54 PM
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Default Re: Help to fight my homosexuality

Dear all,

I donn't know how to post replies for each answers, so I will reply here for each in part.

I am a bit encouraged by all the answers, although the general time in my life currently is of profound disappointment regarding God's lack of answers and ACTIVE work in my life...

@Catholic Crusader: Thank you for your encouragement! I do have a realistic attitude and admit my disorder. However, there are CLEAR and sure steps (although not easy, but nevertheless sure) to get out of alcoholism, over-eating, gambling and sexo-holism. However there is no clear way of getting out of homosexuality, because, unlike all the others, it touches deeply one's identity, one's most profound and core feelings and emotional processes. And who can say they can know how these are formed or work, let alone change them?
I've read the tract that you recommended some time ago (I was interested in apologetics in general due to personal reasons of defending my faith regarding to my wife's family). And I can say it's a balanced position. Obviously, it is realistic enough not to mention healing, but then my problem remains: how to lead a completely chaste and abstinent life when I'm not called to this? How to consider that ALL homosexuals/lesbians are automatically called to complete abstinence just in the virtue of their disorder?
Yes, my cross is especially difficult to bear, because it denies me one of the most basic rights - to love and be loved, in all areas of my life. My wife is also disappointed regarding my lack of change.

@Maizie: Thank you for your answer! You are saying that nothing will happen against my will, and you are right, however unfortunately I fell that I have less and less will of opposing a homosexual experience, because I've seen that 11 years of abstinence and prayer have led me nowhere. At least if I had a SIGN from God, any kind, but this complete silence is worse than anything. My earthly father did not approach me emotionally at all and was not able of forming any loving relationship with me, and, may I be forgiven, but I don't feel much different about my heavenly father. I cannot feel different, because I am basing on one's presence and answers and signs of love, and when I don't see them, how can I delude myself that that person loves me? Especially when I didn't ever see that particular person?
I've never called myself gay, I am aware of my homosexual tendencies, but I haven't adopted the lifestyle. However, this didn't help me in overcoming those tendencies, nor did my feelings for men change one bit. I still love men, from their soul to their personality and body, and not women.
About the evil spirits causing homosexuality - I honestly don't know. In the past evil spirits were believed to cause mental disorders, physical diseases of any kind, pregnancies, bad weather, crimes etc, and as time passed and knowledge progressed, all these domains were not believed to be influenced by demons anymore. I mean, for example, nobody would take as a valid excuse in a criminal court the fact that a homicide was caused by a demon and not by the criminal.
I don't want to deny demons' existence and influence, I'm just saying that I can't be sure of their exact way of action regarding my problem or any problem. I mean should I consider that an exorcism would completely heal my issue?

@Eddybear: Thank you for sharing your experience! It was interesting to read that you consider your love and marriage to be well even with the physical aspect missing. God bless you for your courage and I admire you a lot in this regard. I am not saying that this issue of no physical love in marriage is necessarily impossible to overcome, but I really do not know if I can do it, and also if my wife can do it. She is VERY disappointed about it, even more than myself. Also, if I am to speak the truth, my wife has some problems regarding her ovaries having cysts, and she was strongly advised by the gynecologist that asexual life solves the hormonal dysfunctions that are causing these cysts. And in her family there were some other members who had the same issue and who solved it after they married. However my wife has complete hormonal disorders, affecting her ovaries, her weight among others, and it would result in early menopause at her age (27) with no period and anything if she didn't manage to control it by having hormonal pills. And all these because of having no sexual relationship ever. Therefore what does God expects of us when even our bodies tell us that nothing is normal and healthy in this whole issue?
I am perfectly aware that love transcends physical expression, I've always said this to my wife when she was telling me that we haven't even "consumed" our marriage. However I am not so completely sure now about it, since, as I've said, love should imply physical desire which should be a PART of love. Not love itself, but part of it. But when I feel attachment and respect for my wife, but all these PLUS physical attraction and ravishing feelings for certain men, then I am not sure anymore about anything.
I mean, let's face it, if all men loved my wife as I do, human race would not have come to continue nowadays!
And also, I am tired of being completely dysfunctional in love and in everything, I would like to be whole at least in one area of my life. Not broken all over and having to continually try to believe that "love doesn't necessarily mean this and that and that" just so as to not to despair completely when seeing that everybody else have whole and complete love in their lives (I'm not implying that nobody have problems, everybody have many many problems, but still love is whole for heterosexuals, they don't have to live like monks and nuns with their wives and then just tell themselves that it doesn't matter).

@Mcmo: Thank you for encouragement and for your hope. You do have real faith in God. For me however, it was VERY hard to build my faith, because i always wanted a physical sign of any sort regarding God's existence. I learned in time that this would not happen even if I prayed for the next billion years, so I tried to build my faith from what I could: logical and scientific evidence, testimonies of others, the Church's testimony and mission etc.
I am not looking for solutions except for prayer, I want to include prayer still, as I've always done, and also reading God's word, which I do regularly. What I want is something BESIDES these two, which it's clear for me that prayer and scripture-reading alone won't solve my issue. You are saying that prayer invites the presence of God in our lives. Well, one disappointment that I have with prayer is that I always do all the talking, and whenever I am silent, I never receive any answer at all. I try to see signs of answers in my life, but honestly I can't discern any. Again, it is a silent and cold God that I implore, silent and cold as my father was with me. And certainly ready to punish.
Regarding the problem of masturbation - I tried to deal with it ever since it appeared, about 14 years ago. I prayed too much to be able to quantify here, and made oaths to God and promises, and crying of my inability to keep my thoughts. ALL with no success. I manage to stay pure one, or two, or three, or four weeks. Or perhaps even two months. However my thoughts become less and less pure the more I wait, and I end up doing it again. After which I am relieved for the next several weeks. Which tells me that what i feel is not something intrinsically wrong, but just the normal sexual urge that any married person would feel, the difference being that I cannot relieve it normally as everybody else can.
____________________________________________________________ _______________________________

Once again thank you everybody for your responses. Please forgive me if I seem reluctant or "rebelious" regarding the answers. I don't want to question anybody's faith, it's just that I am tired of trying and pretending that everything is ok when everything is not.
I am praying since more than a decade for my issue to solve, however I think that only prayer won't sort out my problem. Regarding so many problems one can do something specific, regarding my problem it's actually quite impossible to do something. Therefore I am doomed to either complete unfulfilment and self-repress in my life, without even achieving chastity as my thoughts and heart would condemn me, therefore I am bound to hell. The second option is giving in to my feelings and then, obviously, going straight to hell. One way or another, I am a perfect example of dear St. Paul's example of the vessels of wrath, prepared for destruction: "What if God, although choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction". After all, nobody wants to admit that there are such vessels, and especially that one particular person would be such a vessel, however the Bible says that there are, so why not me? I certainly have all what it takes to qualify for the "job" of having a seal with "Destination: Hell" on my forehead since (or before) birth.

God bless you all and, once again, please forgive me if I upset anybody with my answers.
Alex.
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Old 07-13-2012, 06:21 PM
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Default Re: Help to fight my homosexuality

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexander View Post
Thank you for your encouragement! I do have a realistic attitude and admit my disorder. However, there are CLEAR and sure steps (although not easy, but nevertheless sure) to get out of alcoholism, over-eating, gambling and sexo-holism.
Let me ask a dumb question - and I mean no disrespect.... you said there is no relief for you in your marriage because you are attracted to men, not women. However, we're talking about being horny and needing sexual relief, right? Without getting into too much detail, a guy can get sexual relief from something as simple as his hand... all it takes is friction, right? If a guy is sexually frustrated and he masturbates, it relieves him - it wasn't a women that caused this relief, it was a hand. Now, I'm not saying you should masturbate (that would be wrong)... the point, however, is all it takes is the right type of friction. Well, you have a wife ... so what if she's not your ideal choice - at least it's something... unless I'm missing something, you can still get some relief (even if it's not exactly what you want).
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Old 07-13-2012, 06:57 PM
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Default Re: Help to fight my homosexuality

@Mark: Thank you for your answer Mark.

Yes, what you are saying is, theoretically, true. What does it matter the type of friction as long as there is friction? Well, masturbation doesn't involve all the fear and problems that another person involve for me, just to tell a very simple answer. I will try to provide an explanation of why I am not able to have sex with my wife, I hope I won't offend anybody with giving a few details, I just don't know how to explain it otherwise.

The real reason why I am not doing anything with my wife is the fact that I am honestly physically not able. It's not only the fact that I am attracted only to men and not women. It is the physical inability of doing it. As I've mentioned in my original post, the very long one, me and my wife have tried three times, since we've got married, to have sex and every time it ended up bad. Specifically, to quote what I've written in my original post, "being unattracted to the female body, I cannot have an erection long enough for penetration, not to mention a complete intercourse". I simply can't. Although I've tried, I cannot "get myself" into her, or whatever this process is called. I tried to go into her but the actual hole (I don't know how to call it better than this) is very tight and I honestly don't think I could fit in there.
My wife is very understanding, and never said anything to reproach or hurt my feelings, although they are anyway hurt completely.

My wife's sexual organ is very tight (probably having to do with the fact that she is still virgin). I've read that this is supposed to be even more pleasant regarding sex, however I honestly think that for me it would be painful, even if I were able to be physically attracted to her so that I could have the intercourse, which actually I am not.

Also, I've told my wife that I don't even know the anatomy of the female sexual organ (yes, there is Wikipedia, but drawings and charts are one thing, and reality is a completely different thing). And regarding this issue, my wife even encouraged me to try feel it with my hand, so that it might help me. And I did try to touch and feel it so that I know how it's "made" so as to know what to do for an intercourse, but all I felt is a genuine disgust. For me the female sexual anatomy is really not appealing, especially the feeling of complete "inside" of one's body, and the feeling of bare, humid flesh are just disgusting and I am being as honest as I can (and I hope I am not offending anyone here). Obviously, I don't consider the male anatomy more pleasant necessarily, flesh is just flesh.

So, the answer is that I can't physically do anything with my wife, although she would want it very much. She is incredibly understanding, more than I could ever ask, but she is also very very frustrated and how could I accuse her if she wanted to leave in the future?

And about masturbation, yes, I shouldn't do it, however, after several weeks of abstinence, I usually fall, and do it, as otherwise there is no way of relieving the sexual urge. As I said, I never seem to find a real and practical answer and solution from God regarding my situation.

Last edited by Alexander : 07-13-2012 at 07:05 PM.
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