[DanielSlack]

"Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he said to them,

"Pray that you will not fall into temptation."

He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed,

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."

An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”~Luke 22:39-44

Loneliness, even Jesus felt it though his life was to shed light for the world to see. Jesus and caregivers have a lot in common. Both are giving their precious lives for those they love. Both feel compassion, frustration, fear, and even a little contempt for their situation, but still they strove for what is right, what is good, and ultimately, what is G-Dly. I received a very personal and touching message today, reminding us about the unsung heroes out there.

They show strength, commitment, determination, but at what cost to themselves. We live at a time where there are more people per square mile then has ever been. Yet, out of the right of privacy, out of pride, and out of selfishness, we do not even know our next door neighbors. Their happiness nor their sorrow. To be alone, but living so close to each other.

I am calling upon all of humanity, to walk outside, and shake their neighbors hand. No one is perfect, but in each of our imperfections, we can enjoy our humanity, together.

Here is the beginning of the email I received:

I enjoyed your post Dan, maybe because it hit home in my case, Why? well I can't put my finger on it exactly but must admit I blame it on my wife's illness.

I am her main caregiver, she has severe Arthritis which has put her in a wheelchair, she has Fibromyalga [forgive my spelling] so she sleeps on the couch as she can rest her back against the back cushions and reduce some of the pain her pain tablets don't relieve, she is on kidney dialysis three times a week, is a diabetic and also has a skin cancer on her neck that is being treated with radiation. I push her to the john and around the house [even though she has an electric wheelchair she refuses to use] I fix us T.V. meals, buy the groceries and spend an average of $500.00 a month on 14 or 15 prescription drugs, the only place we ever go is to a hospital,clinic, or doctor's office.

I'm sick of the whole mess, and feel guilty for being physically well and knowing that she is the one with the problems and I should be grateful I'm not, and that doesn't help, I just want to get away from it all and back to between 10 and 12 years ago when I rode my bicycle my age each birthday in one day until I reached the age of 76 when my wife became sicker and I was afraid I might get hit by a car and would be unable to care for her, I sold my bass boat because my fishing buddy died and I lost interest fishing alone. My only reason for living now is to care for my wife. I'm 84 and she is 83 it's time for both of us to get out of here, I should have been killed during WW2 as I spent three years in it, two of which was spent in combat.

I no longer have a desire to live as my friends and relatives [except my daughter] are all dead and I look forward to the day one of us leaves this world, If my wife leaves first I believe I will follow shortly after as I have no desire to put my only daughter (57) through what we have gone through the past 14 years, I still have enough money in the bank so she could pay off her home or move to a better one rather than put up with a sick old man as it will only be a matter of time before I'll be needing the same help I have been giving her mother, Yes I know if I took my own life she would feel bad for a short time, but lets face it we are all going to die sometime and I would rather she had what little money I have left then to give it to the Dr's, Pharmacies,and Hospitals. When your 84 believe me there is no longer a light at the end of the tunnel and the desires and motivations are all used up.

Have a Good Life While You Are Still Able.

Here is my reply:

Dear #$%^&,

"While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die --whether it is our spirit, our creativity or our glorious uniqueness."~Gilda Radner

Your weariness comes across the miles between us. Your love, your honor, your commitment to your wife is truly heartbreaking, and inspiring. I am but 35 years of age, and 6 years ago, my wife left me, partially because of my illnesses. One of the things she said while leaving was that she did not expect me to live passed 40.

Your strength is a true testament to your faith, faith in yourself, faith in your wife, faith in your family, and faith in your god, especially in this day and age. We live in the age of convenience, we throw away relationships just like we throw away bubblegum when it loses flavor.

When it comes to dealing with people who have chronic conditions, whether they be mental or physical, the caregivers take a hefty emotional toll. Quite often, the full effect of the emotional toll is not fully realized.

Every morning you wake and go to your living room. As you gaze upon your wife, your remember how she once was. On your four first date, the day your proposed, when you got married, and a number of other thoughts that flow through your mind. Then you have to snap back to reality. The painful truth that brings you fear. She is probably going to die before you. As you said above, your friends and relatives have all gone before her. With the exception of your daughter, without your wife, you would be alone. This is the harsh truth of your existence at the moment, but it does not need to be so.

Here are two links containing a very informative article about “caregiver burnout:”

Preventing Caregiver Burnout: Tips and Support for Family Caregivers

The personal and emotional stress of caregiving and looking after yourself - Alzheimer's Disease International

It contains a lot of tips that could help people on your, or anyone else's situation. I cannot stress the importance of social networking. I mean real life, face to face, conversation with people that have nothing to do with any of the personal issues going on at home. You have made you wife, your world. She probably also realizes this as well. You may try to put on your best face, but she is probably aware of your situation and feels bad about it, as well.

My friend, do not allow your house to be your tomb. You are still alive, she is still alive, and limitations are a part of life. So you learn to work around those limitations. Just because you are older and your wife has medical issues does not mean that you two do not want company and friends. You both would enjoy having someone come over and play chess, checkers, bridge, or any other games that all can enjoy. I had to come to that realization myself concerning my situation.

After my wife left me, what little purpose I had disappeared. I rented an apartment and waited for death. Seriously, I could find no real purpose to my existing. I was hopeless. I suffer from chronic depression, diabetes, epilepsy, and arthritis. I felt I had no hope for a meaningful existence, because I lost the only family I ever had.

Fortunately, in my despair, one of my personality quirks was still prevalent. I have this horrible habit of helping people. The problem is, when your are wallowing in depression, it is hard to be depressed when you are actively helping someone out of their problems. Helping others tends to give me a different perspective on my own problems. It also has another benefit, you start developing relationships.

Out of my loneliness, my one simple act of helping had started a friendship with my neighbor across the hall. Then she introduced my to the guy a few doors down. So on and so on, the seed of compassion grew into the vine of friendship that stretched further and further out to more people.

From there, I ended up volunteering for the “Boys And Girls Club,” finding a better job, and expanding my horizons further.

You are doing your life and your wife a disservice by not varying your lifestyle, by not allowing no people into your circumstances, and by putting so much social value on her.

You two are an island amongst a sea of people. Jump in, the waters fine!!!


"You can learn new things at any time in your life if you're willing to be a beginner. If you actually learn to like being a beginner, the whole world opens up to you."~Barbara Sher

I will keep you in my prayers. You can get ahold of me anytime you want, to laugh, to cry, or just to chew the fat. Well, not chew the fat, I am on a diet.

With Care and Concern,
Daniel Slack

So folks, as Christians, why are we not leading the way to reacquaint ourselves with the people around us? Should we not be the first to work on the solutions, instead of just criticizing the problems?