Home >> Blogs

this user is offline now  Loves8Servant
Send message


  Religion & Philosophy
  Goals, Plans, Hopes
  Romance & Relationships
  Writing & Poetry

August 2020
July 2020
June 2020
May 2020
April 2020
March 2020
February 2020
January 2020
December 2019
November 2019
October 2019
September 2019
August 2019
July 2019
June 2019
May 2019
April 2019
March 2019
February 2019
January 2019
December 2018
November 2018
October 2018
September 2018
August 2018
July 2018
June 2018
May 2018
April 2018
March 2018
February 2018
January 2018
December 2017
November 2017
October 2017
September 2017
August 2017
July 2017
June 2017
May 2017
April 2017
March 2017
February 2017
January 2017
December 2016
November 2016
October 2016
September 2016
August 2016
July 2016
June 2016
May 2016
April 2016
March 2016
February 2016
January 2016
December 2015
November 2015
October 2015
September 2015
August 2015
July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
January 2015
December 2014
November 2014
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
February 2014
January 2014
December 2013
November 2013
October 2013
September 2013
August 2013
July 2013
June 2013
May 2013
April 2013
March 2013
February 2013
January 2013
December 2012
November 2012
October 2012
September 2012
August 2012
July 2012
June 2012
May 2012
April 2012
March 2012
February 2012
January 2012
December 2011
November 2011
October 2011
September 2011
August 2011
July 2011
June 2011
May 2011
April 2011
March 2011
February 2011
January 2011
December 2010
November 2010
October 2010
September 2010
August 2010
July 2010
June 2010
May 2010
April 2010
March 2010
February 2010
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009
October 2009
September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 2009
January 2009
December 2008
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
June 2002
May 2002
April 2002
March 2002
February 2002
January 2002

Who Gives Kudos:


   Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Proud about being humble


“Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’” (1 Peter 5:5)
                This verse has stuck with me these last few days. It is like a splinter just beneath my skin. I think it has become like a vulture in my mind because I don’t consider myself a very proud person. I have seen, and I know, some very proud people and I tell myself I act nothing like this. Which is where my problem with this piece of Scripture is coming from: I am comparing myself to others. Am I proud in comparison to Jesus? Oh yeah. And yet I still have a very hard time writing that. Not because I think I am anywhere near as humble as Jesus, but because I really want to say I am more humble than I am proud. 
                The ironic part of that sentence is that it is my pride that keeps me fighting this. I am proud of being humble. I like to pat myself on my back about it. Granted I don’t do this out loud, nor do I post it on my Facebook account, but I will acknowledge these thoughts from deep in my heart. Thoughts like these mean some of my humble acts really are selfish acts to feed my pride about being humble. I should be performing all these acts to feed my relationship with Christ, and to shine His light … not to feed my own self-worth. And I really just want to highlight this entire post so far, delete it, and move on.
                But I know the Holy Spirit has kept this piece of Scripture in my head for a reason. This is a sin I really need to work on. It is a sin I hadn’t given a lot of thought to before. I have only considered pride in more obvious, outgoing ways that glare in everyone’s face from other people. I hadn’t ever taken a peek under the unseen rocks of my motivations and soul to seek out my own sinful pride. I know I need to because of one very key word in that verse: opposes. God opposes the proud. I know He can see beneath my actions and under my skin. He can see the pride in me that I haven’t been looking for … and He opposes me for it. I really, really don’t like that.
                I do not like to be considered God’s opponent. I know I am no longer God’s enemy since I have washed myself in the blood of Christ. I know when my heavenly Father now looks on me He sees me in Jesus. It is those very reasons why that word “opposes” really bothers me. For example, I love my fiancé and so I actively strive to not give him reasons to oppose me. I do not want to be the enemy of the man I am going to marry. Considering I love God so much more than I could ever love Jeremy I want to do things that make me His enemy even less; despite the fact I know that God has already forgiven me of all of these reasons through His Son Jesus.
                So the first thing I have to do is state my sin: I am a proud person. And I really, really hate saying that. It fills me with shame. I know we live in a culture and a world were ‘pride’ and ‘self-esteem’ are two of the most important things to achieve high scores in. But Christ’s Kingdom has different rules, values, and ethics. Jesus humbled Himself by becoming a man. I have a hard time wrapping my head around that sometimes. Jesus set aside all His divine power, His place on a throne in heaven where angels sang to Him, where He ate the most delicious food and drank the most divine wine, and came down to grow up as a man … with acne, aches, pains, ingrown toe nails, upset stomachs, hunger … and to hear the people He created shout “Crucify Him!” And that is just one way Jesus humbled Himself.
                And I really want to minimalize my pride. I want to say it isn’t so bad, or even noticeable to anyone beyond me and my Creator. At which point the Holy Spirit is kind enough to point out to me that even if my pride were as small of an issue as possible … it is still big enough to hammer the nails into Jesus’ hands and feet.  God is the one, in fact, who opposes my pride … not the rest of the world if they saw it. And still I struggle against my pride of not being proud. Feel free to laugh.
                I need to repent and pray to the Holy Spirit. I know only the Holy Spirit can give me the ability to strive toward the humility my Lord and Savior has. Rather than fighting and resisting this conviction I need to lay it at the feet of Jesus, and beg Him to take away all the ways in which I am proud. I know all other sins are birthed out of pride, so I really need to work on this issue in myself. I know, now, that this issue isn’t a small one inside of me. It is just one cleverly hidden behind and beneath other things. 
                So there you have it. I don’t know if this has made any sense. It feels like word vomit. I feel like I am chasing my tail in a circle. I really don’t like this part of myself, and I really don’t like sharing it with others. But that too is my pride. My pride is behind the things I do for others at times … my pride is in keeping up appearances of being perfectly okay when I am suffering … my pride is in wanting to appear as a good Christian. My pride motivates good actions. My pride has me lie to make myself look good. My pride seeks gratitude for the good things I am doing. My pride keeps me withdrawn from my Kiwi longer than I should be when he hurts me or when we disagree. My pride has kept a distance between myself and my Savior. And I really don’t like any of this, or any of my pride.
                Holy Spirit, please … I beg of you … help me weed out all these deep roots of pride. Help give me the longing to be more like Jesus. Fill me with a divine fervor to strive for my Father’s heavenly Kingdom rather than this earthly one. Abba, Father …Divine Daddy … lease forgive your rebellious daughter for having dismissed, diminished, and denied this sin that crucified Your Son. Jesus take out my heart of stone, and replace it with one of flesh that hungers only for Your bread of life. I pray all of this in Jesus’ name. Amen.
12:32 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add comment 
1 2 3 4 5
Copyright © 2009 - 2012 True2ourselves. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission is prohibited.